99 Steps

Step 28: Forget

"Talk to me?" Jack played with the strings on Mark's grey sweatshirt.

"What about?"

"Anything. About you, your past. The future. What ever you want." The two were laying on the couch after not sleeping the night before. They ended up finishing the cookies for breakfast and just had lunch, both ready for a nap - at least ready to lay down for a while.

"I want to talk about things we've done together." Jack nodded, so Mark continued. "Honestly at first I thought you'd never get any better. And then you did, and you were eating, and then you worse again. I mean I'm not trying to sound rude, but it was all like a roller coaster." Mark paused, mentally going through all his memories with Jack.

"Yeah," Jack's voice barely above a whisper.

"I mean I want to suggest not bringing anything before last night up. Start over almost."

"Yeah." There was a few moments of silence before Jack continued, his voice just as quiet as before. "One thing I kept doing was comparing us to two birds."

"Huh?" Mark shifted a little bit, moving his arm to prevent it from falling asleep.

"I saw myself as a crow with a broken wing, you were some big, strong bird. Like a eagle or a hawk, and you'd just keep dragging me up and up; not letting me fall. The higher up we were, the farther I would fall. And the bigger mess I would make." Jack though about his words for a second, "It has to mean something that I stopped, right?"

"I... I guess so." Mark was slightly caught in thought at Jack's statement, mostly stuck on 'Why birds?'

"I don't know, it was stupid in the first place and I never make any sense. Sorry." Jack pushed up off Mark's chest, aiming to walk down to his bedroom.

"No, no. Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't know, I just feel bad for wasting your time."

"You haven't wasted any of my time. Wh ydo you think you are?" Mark kept his hand on Jack's wrist, holding him on his spot where he now sat on Mark's lap.

"I just... I don't know. I feel like everything between us has just been such a mess and I can't help but think of every little stupid thing that has happened and thinking that it... Wasn't meant to? Or maybe it did all happen for a reason. I just," Jack rubbed his face, letting out a defeated sigh. It felt like his brain was slowly turning to mush and he couldn't make the words sound the same as they did in his head once they were spoken. Mark pulled Jack into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around the Irishmans frame.

"I get what your saying, I just don't get the point your trying to make." Mark's voice was quiet but thoughtful. "Are you trying to say that this isn't working out?"

Jack nearly jumped off Mark's thighs, "What? No! I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm just stupid and can't make my thoughts be spoken properly."

"So maybe we should restart. Have a night away from eachother and start off fresh with breakfast?" Both the boys went quiet, Jack thinking it over and Mark wondering if he said the right thing.

"Where would I go for the night?" Jack asked, leaning back a little to look Mark in the eyes, which was something he struggled to do a lot.

"I could go somewhere now, I'm sure these a hotel or something close by."

"I'm not going to make you go somewhere else. I guess I can walk to wherever." Jack thought about the whole situation, thinking about if they ever did break up before Jack went back to his mom.

"Jack, you and I both know you get uncomfortable when you're placed in an unfamiliar area. You don't need that extra stress. Plus if you stay here you could just eat a bunch of cookies." Mark smiled at the thought of his boyfriend sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket with a container full of cookies on his lap. After Mark packed some nice clothes for their 'First Date' in the morning, Jack was alone in the cabin like house.

The Irishman wished he could say that he stayed curled up on the couch watching some cheesy romance movie, but he didn't. Instead he drug himself down the hall to his bedroom and opened the window. Jack dug around his stuff clumsily looking for his half empty pack of cigarettes. He flopped backwards onto his bed, the small paper box in one hand and a lighter in the other.

Jack lit the first, inhaling. His phone buzzed from beside him, but he just closed his eyes and thought about everything. Soon enough, his head hurt from so many thoughts and memories whirling around and he nearly burnt his fingers from the cigarette as it smoldered out. Jack ignored his phone still, admittedly nearly forgetting about the text, and looked at the white ceiling above him.

There was so much he wished he told Mark before they did this. Bringing it up after having a fresh start at the relationship would really make things worse than they were before, not to mention slightly awkward. He sighed and lit another cigarette, feeling more relaxed the more lightheaded he was.

Meanwhile, 20 miles away in a hotel room, Mark was panting and sweating after finally being able to pleasure himself.