99 Steps

Step 37: Have Faith

So much was wrong with us, broken, messed up, however you want to put it. I was sent here for help, and I started getting it, but it all started going wrong. I can't live with my happily ever after being wrong.

I don't even know how to make sense writing this to you so I'll just say it all how it is. 

I'm going back to Ireland. Kloee is giving me a ride to the airport, and once I'm there I don't know if I'll want to talk to you or see you ever again. I would say sorry but I'm not. I went to hang out with Kloee at her party and was drugged and raped and you beat me because you thought I slept with her. You wouldn't listen to me and you certainly didn't wait for me to be comfortable talking about it and accepting what happened; at the party and that night. You didn't want to deal with what you did, so you asked me to forget about it.

Having the love of your life hit you so hard that you fall back isn't something you can just forget about. 

Mark dropped the notebook back on Jack's desk, looking around the empty room. Tears welled in is eyes and his breathing became unsteady. He wanted to finish reading the note, but he just couldn't bring himself to even look back at the page. 

"Why?" The word came out a a whisper at first, but the more Mark repeated it, the louder it got. "Why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you just scream at me? Why didn't you do anything at all? You left and you don't want anything to do with me!" It happened all over again in his head, the night that made Jack decide it was time to leave, and he pulled the desk away from the wall as he screamed questions to the empty house. The desk hit the ground at an awkward angle, cracking across the top. Mark grabbed a pillow off the top of the bed and threw it at the wall, knocking the corkboard to the floor, turning and punching the mirror. Broken pieces of glass fell to the ground, and Mark sat with his back to the door and held his face in his hands. 

"Why couldn't I do anything?" He was whispering again, this time breathing heavy and starting to cry.

Having the love of your life hit you so hard that you fall back isn't something you can just forget about. 

Upstairs, Mark's phone rang, but he ignored it as he cried into his hands. He was overwhelmed with guilt and anger towards himself for getting out of control. Maybe if he had a better grip on himself, Jack would have stayed, he would have told him about what happened right when he got back, he would have felt more comfortable, he wouldn't think living with an abusive mother would be better than living with Mark anymore. So caught up in trying to pinpoint exactly where everything went wrong, Mark didn't hear the front door open and close, but he did hear the footsteps going down the stairs. 

"Jack!" He jumped up and swung the door open, feeling like he ran into a brick wall to see the man standing in front of him was not his boyfriend; ex-boyfriend. 

"Mark, hey, I tried calling but - What's wrong?" Delsin put his hand on Mark's shoulder, seeing he was crying. 

"I can't do this anymore. It always goes wrong, and I don't help anything." Mark slammed himself into Delsin, wrapping his arms around the other and sobbing into his shoulder. 

"What? What happened?" 

"Jack left, he fucking left for Ireland in the middle of the night and didn't even talk to me about what was bothering him, he left his notebook and me and he's going back to his mom who sent him here in the first place because she was sick of dealing with him."

"Shh, it's okay." Delsin pulled Mark back into his chest, kissing the top of his head. "You shouldn't be so upset, clearly he didn't care about you that much if he left in the middle of the night."

Mark thought about it, and Delsin was right, if Jack really did care about him, he wouldn't have up and left without saying anything.

"Why don't we go get some breakfast? We can talk about it some more on the way there." Mark nodded, following the older of the two as he walked outside to his car.

not related to anything but I'm changing my username from AssholeWriter, js. also I decided to finish this before doing the rewite. and I'm cutting my hair off soon. and I have to pay to get my cat fixed. plus I need a job and need to take my drivers ed classes. also I love how much support/feedback/input you guys gave over my last 2 (two) authors notes. and also I'm torn between becoming a musical therapist, tattoo artist, or joining the military. this has been Life Rants with jd, see you next session.