99 Steps

Step 20: Don't Pretend

Jack was on bed, not really sleeping, but thinking. He thought he was getting better, and he thought that Mark was really helping. In his head, everything was going to be okay.

But now? Now he was in the same position that he laid down in two days ago, and was yet to move. That wasn't a sign of getting better.

Mark was sleeping, upstairs because Jack didn't say anything when he asked if he wanted to cuddle. Of course, Mark trying to fix his few mess-ups, just slept in his own room.

The green haired boy rolled onto his back, and closed his eyes, feeling like the blood rushed around his body so fast it could be a blender. He got the sudden urge to do stuff: listen to music, draw, scream, dance, laugh, cry, over eat, smoke, do anything and everything he could with Mark. The only problem was that it was 1:34 A.M. and Mark would say it was unreasonable to leave the house.

Shakily and slowly, holding the wall for support and keeping his blanket close to his body, Jack made his way into Mark's room. He was a heavy sleeper most of the time, so he didn't wake up when Jack laid down on his bare chest, grabbing his hand and letting out a yawn. His eyes watered from being so tired, which pooled - just the slightest bit - on Mark's chest.

Jack could hear his heart beat, and it was really the only sound he needed to hear right now.

Blinking his eyes open, Mark felt Jack laying on his chest. It was a little awkward, at first, being he had hardly any clothes on for one, and for two the way Jack was straddling his waist made his mind snap back to the thoughts he continuously had.

Mark shook his head, noticing how Jack's soft lips were placed on his collar bone, as of he was kissing him. It was cute, really. Mark just couldn't understand why it was so difficult for Jack to see how much he loved him, and how much he would give up for him.

Being pulled from his thoughts, he looked back down at Jack, who was blinking his eyes open. His cheeks turned a light pink once he realized how he was sitting. Jack rolled to the side, hiding his face from Mark, who was smiling.

"What do you think about going out today? Maybe just walking around a few stores?" Mark turned to face Jack, who shrugged.

---

Driving back home after a long day, Jack played really soft, sing-song, music that was nothing like what he usually listened to. It was dark, and Jack was beyond tired, so he gave in and curled up with his head against the window to try to sleep.

After a while, Mark started feeling tired too. Trying to keep himself awake, he cracked the window, and looked over at Jack to see if he was awake. Maybe he was, but it looked like he was sleeping, so he let him be. He shifted around a bit, continuing the long drive home.

The road felt like gravel under the tires, which was weird because they took the high way home. Mark opened his eyes, panicking when he saw sign a few feet from the front of the car. His muscles froze, refusing to move, but at the same time the steering wheel was jutted towards the road in a matter of seconds. The speed of the car not once dropping below 60 miles an hour, the silver car swerving out of the ditch back onto th pavement. Mark's eyes where wide with fear, but his arms kept the wheel straight, the car staying on the road from that point on.

Mark didn't say anything, too busy trying to catch his breath, and trying to hold tears in. "I almost killed us. Shit. I almost fucking killed us. Why the hell did that happen. Shit. Shit shit shit. Fucking hell, Mark, drive." He whispered to himself.

Jack sat in the passenger seat, hardly effected by the near-death experience, more shocked at the fact that Mark didn't say anything, and was now swearing more than Jack had ever heard him. He slowly looked over, seeing tears rolling down Mark's face as his bottom lip quivered.

"Do you wanna stop somewhere?" Jack asked, talking softly trying not to scare Mark, "Maybe get something cold to drink? Take a break?"

Mark jumped slightly, chills running up his legs to his shoulders. His ragged breath let more curse words fumble out of his lips ad he shook his head.

"Are you sure babe? We don't have to be any where at a certain time." Jack sat up, not sure how to comfort someone.

Mark looked over, changing his mind as he saw a gas station up ahead. Pulling into the parking lot, the car parked.

"Stay here, I'm going to go buy some juice okay? I'll be right back. Take deep breaths and stay calm." Mark nodded his head, unable to form proper sentences yet. Jack walked inside, the clock on the wall displaying 9:25 pm. The lady at the counter smiled, looking up from her phone.

The green haired, tattooed teen grabbed a bottle of grape juice and a bottle of apple juice. He walked to the front counter, setting them down.

"How is your night going?" She asked lightly, just trying to banish the loneliness of the empty building.

"I've had better." Jack answered honestly. He thought for a second. "You know, I'm going to go get my boyfriend from the car, can I leave these in here for now?" She smiled and nodded, handing him back his change.

Walking to the car, Jack found Mark with his seat belt off, holding his face in his hands. When he opened the door, Mark practically fell out in attempt to grab onto Jack.

"I'm so fucking sorry. I should have never fell asleep, I nearly got us both killed, oh god. I'm so sorry Jack, I love you so much." Jack whispered back, telling Mark everything was okay, the car hadn't even been damaged. The green haired boy walked his boyfriend inside, and to a table by the donuts. He sat him down, going back to the counter. The lady looked concerned, asking what happened that had Mark so shaken up.

"We were on our way back and he fell asleep driving and went off the road. We nearly ran into a sign, but he got us back on the road." Her jaw dropped, and she walked around the counter, hugging Jack.

"I'm so sorry about that. Do you buys like chocolate?" She looked at Mark, then at Jack when she didn't get a reply. Jack nodded, of course they loved chocolate.

"Well, in that case, here." She grabbed two chocolate covered donuts from the shelf, and handed it to them. "It's the least I can do to help. Take as long as you need, too. Don't worry about closing time." Jack thanked her, and she walked back to her phone.

"I'm so sorry." Mark mumbled, looking at his donut.

"Mark, I told you its okay. I'm going to be honest, I was awake the whole time. I just froze up as soon as we drifted off the road. I accepted my death just like that. I didn't even think about how you would have gotten hurt too. Just don't worry about me, and eat your donut." Jack smiled, pushing the sugary treat closer to him. It looked really good, and Jack was tempted to eat the one he was offered, but they still had about a half hour of driving left, so he figured he should save it for him.

Mark finished his donut, and bottle of jucie, before walking to the bathroom to wash his face. Jack grabbed a bag for the snack, thanking the woman again. She smiled and told them to be safe when Mark came out of the bathroom.

"Don't pretend like you didn't get freaked out." Mark said, now much more awake.

"I didn't. And I'm not going to pretend like I did either. All that matters is that we're safe and alive and on the way home." Jack grabbed Mark's hand, watching him as he drove the rest if the way home; safely.

True story.