spacenames- phan chat room AU☆

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"Phil! I said I was sorry!"

"Damnit Dan, sorry doesn't cut it! You scared the hell out of me!"

Dan had skyped Phil without warning, and now was slightly regretting it.

"What were you thinking? Did you and that pretty little head of yours just decide to leave me for a few days with no contact? What told you that was a smart idea, Daniel? Tell me. I was panicking and worrying so much. Do you understand why I'm so mad? Or are you just gonna keep looking me with that stupid shocked look? Honestly, I don't know what you were expecting here."

Dan fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He didn't look up. He didn't say anything.

"Dan. I'm going to ask you something. I want you to answer honestly. It's the least you can do."

Dan looked up finally, seeing Phil on the screen, eyebrows furrowed with a determined look on his face.

"Okay. What is it?"

"Are you okay?"

As if on cue, Dan gave a strained smile.

"Perfectly fine. Why?"

But Phil didn't respond. He was staring at Dan. Giving him a look he couldn't really figure out.

"Are you sure?"

Dan let out a forced chuckle. "Yep, of course. I'm okay."

Phil stared at him uncomfortably for a few moments longer, looking utterly unconvinced. "Okay."

Dan nodded, turning bright red and looking back down at his shirt. He didn't even look up when he heard Phil sigh.

"You're not going to do this again- are you?"

Dan bit his lip, deciding to look up again. When he met Phil eyes, he felt a small pang in his chest. He looked so sad. So worried.

The thing is, with sadness, there is no past or future. It's just living completely in the present. Every day is measured from the minute a person wakes up into this reality of a world. Until their body can do no more. Until sleep comes to rest their weary minds. Each day people greet the sun like a climber greets their rope, fingers holding on fast despite the pain. It's grief, no different from bereavement, coming in wintry waves.

Dan wanted to grab Phil and pull him close. Kiss his cheek. He wanted to hug him tightly and refuse to let go.

Dan Howell wanted to do all of this just as much as he wanted to promise Phil he wouldn't leave.

But just like how he couldn't hold Phil tightly, he couldn't make any promises. So he gave his next best answer.

"I'll do my best, Phil."

•-•
A/N:
scHOOLS OUT AGH!!1!1!2!!
~🌙