spacenames- phan chat room AU☆

87%

Words could not describe how Phil Lester felt when he burst into Dan Howells room in his apartment.

Instead of feeling any immediate sadness or remorse, Phil felt anger. Everything went by like a blur.

Phil could barely remember half of the situation itself. He had distant memories of him yelling at Chris to call someone, anyone. Fuzzy recollections of PJ running over to Dan in a panic.

Phil could only remember 2 things clearly.

His anger, and how Dan looked in those exact moments.

Phil's normally calm and pleasant demeanor slowly changed and his face contorted in an all - consuming rage. His nostrils flared, his eyes flashing, his mouth quivering, slurring words that were unintelligible came spewing into space like a volcano releasing it's pent up emotions into the dim room.

His hands closed into fists and he crouched forward, shutting his eyes tightly.

He blocked out all sound around him, pounding his fists against the hard carpet over and over, screaming incoherent words that he couldn't even understand. He let out choked sobs and long strings of apologies, unable to breathe for a few moments at specific points.

Phil Lester had broke.

All his life, he'd thought of himself as a porcelain doll, the kind with a happy expression. A porcelain doll that was fragile and petite, there for the purpose of making others happy.

He had always been terrified of the day that his perfect little doll face would crack. The day that everything would spiral out of control.

The day his glass heart would shatter to thousands of pieces, and he'd never know how long it would be to glue it back together.

His original plan was to maintain himself. To give a few silent tears. His main plan was to get Dan to a hospital quickly and cleanly, with no interruption of any emotion.

But it wasn't just the simple fact that Dan was lying down, pale and lifeless on his bed that made Phil lose it.

What truly made Phil lose himself was the sad fact that Dan had a small smile on his face as he lay there. His cold hand outstretched, as if reaching out to him.

It was a happy goodbye.

Dan was happy to finally die.

Phil shook his head too himself, tugging at his hair wildly. Dan wasn't dead yet, he wasn't. There was still a chance he could make it.

There was still a chance that he'll be alright.

And Phil held on to that little bit of hope, all the way to the hospital.

It was all he had to rely on.

•-•
A/N:
im not even joking, im laughing so hard. everyone haTes me and it's woNDERFUL.

qotd: am i truly satan yet?

aotd: i thiNK YES.
~blu🌙

//NOT YET EDITED//