Can't Fall in Love With You ✧ Rhink

Remember

I carefully opened the door, stepping inside. This is my home, it's where I'm meant to be.

Then why does it feel so strange to be here?

I don't know.

Maybe it's because you don't belong.

The clock hanging on the kitchen wall struck 4 a.m.

That's not suspicious, Jessie won't question anything.

I quietly walked up the stairs, checking in on Locke and Shepard. They were already tucked into bed, soundly sleeping.

I walked into our bedroom, to find Jessie sitting awake on the bed. Used tissues surrounded her. Her eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks stained with tears.

I sat beside her, not saying a word. I didn't want to, I wouldn't know what to say.

As she blew her nose, my bare finger reminded me I had left my ring at the office. I swiftly shoved my hand into my pocket, in an attempt to hide it.

"What's wrong?" I finally mumbled, wrapping my arm around Jessie's waist. I figured I already knew the answer. 'You were out too late,' is what I expected to hear, but the words didn't escape her lips.

"Locke asked if we were getting divorced. He told me that he and Lilly were listening to our conversation the other day. I thought they were playing, but... But he knows and he thinks we hate each other and..." Jessie explained through her sobs.

"We don't hate each other, you told him that didn't you?" I asked.

"Y-yeah, it's just..." Jessie stopped talking.

"What?" I questioned.

"I think this would've all been easier if we never had kids." Her words stung like poison.

I remember hearing the exact same words once before. I was fourteen years old, sitting with my bother on the stairs, eavesdropping on an argument our parents were having. 

I remember hearing my dad whisper "We should've never had kids," to my mom. He was probably hoping we wouldn't hear, but we did.

My brother brushed it off easily. I wish I could've been as strong as Cole. I was a young teenager, I was just learning how to not give a shit. I thought I would be invincible to other people's words, but that hurt.

It wasn't like I didn't already feel worthless enough. Just pile it on. Add more and more synonyms to my name please.

Rhett Mclaughlin, the weird, nerdy, giant, outcast, worthless child.

That was a nice feeling. Knowing that your parents regretted having you. Knowing your parents would probably be happier without you.

They regret having me? Well maybe I regret ever being born. Can I have some say in the god damn matter? You can't decide whether my life is worthless or not before I even reach my full potential!

Regret is a strong word, especially referring to a human's life.

I wiped a hot tear off my face. Simply recalling the incident upset me.

"Rhett?" Jessie asked. I released my arms from her, pushing myself away from the bed. I stripped out of my clothes, changing in to sweatpants.

I rolled on my side, facing my back to Jessie.

I'm not worthless.

Yes you are.