I lied to him
I lied to the man who had all my trust and I betrayed his.
And why
It was out of disgust
I am a liar
I deserve to be dead, not him
He was the good guy, the boy I dreamed of becoming, while I had trouble getting way from my job on the "corner"
He never once let me down and when things got rough, he never ratted me out
When I needed a place, he helped me out
He was was there for me, and I let him down
I lied to his face
When I found out, I didn't know how to react at first
Finding out that he was dead, the guy who made me promise to quit this job, I fell apart in front of all the guys who would have beaten me up in second for my "stuff"
No one touched me though but I so badly wanted someone to beat me to death
To take my life and give his back
He was my best friend, and I lied to him because what he told me I saw as disgusting, because I thought that was how it was supposed to be viewed
But it wasn't, and I was wrong
So wrong
Now he's dead, and it was my fault
I stared him in the eyes and lied
He asked me did I tell anyone and I said no
Truth was, I told
I had to
No, I felt as though I had to
He was perfect, he was perfect in my eyes and I never wanted him to be anything else
When he told me, I felt as though I could save him
Make him perfect again
So I lied
I told
Please, someone hate me
Hit me
Beat me
Kill me
He's dead because of me
He's dead because I told
He's dead because I lied
_________________________________________
I trusted you
Why did you do this to me
