I...
He...
He gave me his friendship and I took it with opened arms
It was only later, that I gave him my heart and he gave me his
That day, feels so far way
The day I held him
The day he cried into my shoulder telling me of his pain
The day I comforted him
The day I kissed him goodbye for the last time
That day is bitter in my swollen red eyes
That I wished I had asked him to stay with me a little longer
To let me hold him a little longer
To let him cry to me a little longer
To let me comfort him a little longer
To let me kiss him a little longer
Just a little longer
Why he decided to leave, is something I can't even piece together
I know his life, I knew every story like my own and yet, I couldn't understand why Calvin took his life
Why we couldn't be together like I knew he wanted
I knew he wanted to wake up to my face every morning and go to sleep having me be the last thing he saw
I wanted the same
I still do
I want this to all be a dream and have him walk in to our sacred space and greet me with his smile
But he won't
He'll never come
And I'll just sit here, alone
Forever waiting for a man who will never come
The love of my life who will never come
I can't cry anymore
I've cried so much my whole body aches bone deep
My heart, feels as though it's numb
He was gone and I was here
If I could switch roles I would, but I could never leave him
I...
Why did he leave me
Did that mean he...
If he did, then I still...
I'll always...
Even in death he knows this
I...
God I...
And because I...I have forgiven him for ending his life
His life was short
He didn't want it to be, hell, he had a bright future ahead of him
Seventeen is too short
Way too short
But I'm glad that at seventeen, he...
I'm...
I needed the boy whose life was too short
He needed a guy whose life was too long
We were...
Nobody accepted that
Nobody accepted that Calvin, their perfect child, had a flaw
That flaw was me
So maybe it is my fault he's dead
No, I promised him I wouldn't talk like that, for his sake
His sake...I wonder what he did for my sake
I wonder about a lot of things Calvin did
I think about him a lot
Especially now
I...
He...
He didn't want to need me, but I was his flaw
Nobody accepted that
So he left
I'm...
He...
I'm thinking again
_________________________________________
I couldn't accept that you had become a part of me
And I'm sorry
But don't ruin yourself because I killed my silver
We wouldn't have worked anyway
