I hated him
I despised him so much
I hate him even more now because...I'm sorry
I hated him
I wish I could bring air back into his lungs and life back in his eyes and yell "Don't you dare do that again"
He would probably say some cocky shit like "Missed me" with that annoying ass smirk on his face
He pissed me off
Damn it, he was pissing me off right now and he was dead
All those times we argued and picked on each other, felt like it was now in the distant past
I hated how it seemed long ago that I told him to go eat shit and he would say some clever retort back
I hated how he smiled while saying it, like he didn't have a care in the world
I hated how he wanted to stop smiling like that
I hated how his joking eyes would look at me
I hated how now they would forever be closed
I hated how his voice would send chills through me
I hated how he would forever be silent
I hated him
I hated this
I hated the pain I was feeling in my chest and I hated how I was crying for the guy who beat me at everything
I hated how now when I go through the halls, he left me feeling guilty
Everyone looks at me, blaming me, telling me it was my fault
Well it wasn't okay
I would never tell him to kill himself
I hated him, but I would never tell him to do that, even if I tried
We fought and hit and insulted each other
But wanting to kill the other was never an idea
I hated him
So why do I miss him so damn much
Now that he's gone I should be happy
Happy that I don't have to deal with him anymore, but truth is, I would give up anything to have that bastard back
I hate him
I hate this feeling
I hate everything
What I hate most, is that I...
_________________________________________
What would you have done
if I were still there
