Teachers lose students all the time
Although, this was different wasn't it
Now that I think about it, that boy was a one hell of a pain in the ass
Yet, he found a way to make me even care for him
He was smart, my star student who I could always count on to get the work done
He was also the student who would start a ruckus with his smartass
I would always see him in my classroom for detention, but during those times, when it was just the two of us, he would show me sides of him I never saw during class
Like his brotherly side, or his friendly nature
In class, he and I became rivals, fighting for the class's attention
But in detention, I took on a more fatherly role for him
I helped him understand a lot more things that a father was supposed to teach his son
I miss him
I had a feeling for why he took his life
I could tell by just how he talked
The way he talked, and walked, gave you hints that anyone could over look
What I'm upset about is that he didn't come to me
We were close, and I admit, he was my favorite student, so why didn't he come to me
We could have talked and I could have helped and everything would have been fine
He would have been still alive
I missed him
His funny jokes and annoying outbursts
I never felt attached to a student before
I never thought of one as a son
But he was different and in our short time, I knew our history would carry on with him through life
He would learn from the lessons I taught him and become better than me
He would have asked someone who showed signs like he did, are they okay
Unlike me who just thought to wait until he came to me
Now he was gone
And I felt guilty because I didn't ask was he okay
I didn't ask if the rumors were true
I didn't ask if he needed help
I didn't help him like I thought I would for the rest of his life
And that was my mistake
That may have been a part in his death
If so, then I'm sorry
I'm sorry I didn't ask those questions
I'm sorry I wasn't there for you
I'm sorry I didn't notice the streaks of where tears used to be
I'm sorry I didn't notice the glint in your eyes fading
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry that I wasn't the father you needed there for you when your actual one abandoned you for dead
I'm sorry...
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It's not your fault
