Secrets ċ.ɖ

Bad Decisions

Chapter 35:

Getting back from our little vacation was the worst thing ever. I was so mad at Cameron. He's so complicated. I hate him but....

But you love him.

I mentally rolled my eyes and groaned. Oops...

"What?" Cameron said walking into his room. I felt that if i moved back in with Shawn after the vacation it would be so bad so i just stayed with Cameron avoiding all problems

"Nothing" i face planted to my hand.

"Jess we need to talk. Im not going to go another day without not talking to you. I'm not going to let the demon Cameron win." yay because every time we talk about something it ends in sex or a fight.

"Cameron i don't want to fight you"i said sternly pointing at him.

"Fine we wont b-"

"Yes we will i know you damn well and i know myself well too. This talk wont end up good" i pointed between himself and I.

"Fine I talk YOU listen" he emphasized . I gave him the approval and waited.

"Im sorry how i reacted a week ago. I feel bad i was just so stressed out and so caught up in the moment. I was scared of losing you" I physically rolled my eyes and he saw. "What?" he said angry.

I thought okay at least he apologized to me for the 500th time. He always says the same shit over and over again. He's always afraid of losing me but i will never get out of his grasp. But something inside me still had me attached to what he did to me and that little thing made me more mad and I've been mad ever since. I haven't let him touch me. But we talk at a minimum. Not even that he wont let me talk to Matt or Shawn or johnson or anyone for that matter.

"Cam" I grabbed his head and made him look at me his furious face in my little hands his hands were on my wrist gripping them trying to take them off of himself.
"Stop it" I whispered closing my eyes. He stopped immediately and looked at me.

"Open your eyes" he said sternly. I took a deep breath.

"Cameron you always say stuff about how you're going to lose me. Have you actually thought that im not going to go anywhere when you are in protective mode."He took a deep breath looking at the door. "Cam look at me." He looked right up and looked at me. His eyes: they bright up my world. I love his eyes. I looked down embarrassed that i was staring at him. "Cameron what happened last week was you really going protective mode. I was safe. I'm safe right now. I'm here. I'm okay you protected me how you wanted too. But you hurt me and it put me more in danger. Just chill okay? Do you need more time?"

"NO!" he shot right up leaving my hands without his face he was so angry. "Dont say that because you know it's not true! I pushed you off the boat! You almost fell in a pit of sharks! Jessica you almost died! You've died! You could've did and it would be my fault!"He pointed at me he was staring at me with frighten eyes. I'm scared right now and i don't know why. "I almost didn't contain myself 2 times and if Shawn wasn't there I would have prob-"He stopped talking but i knew what he was going to say. He kept saying it was his fault every time he brought it up.

"Im a monster towards you" he leaned up to a corner and soon started to cry. He pulled his hair he was mad at himself. "Why cant i contain myself around you! I think i need time, Jess." he's having a mental break down. I dont know what to do im as messed up as himself. I was crying at this point. I want to go up to him and hug him but i don't know if i should.

I don't care I'm going to go to him he can push me away all he wants but I'm staying in his arms. I'm going to get him to think its okay because it is nothing happened to me. I cant stay away from him. I'm okay. If he pushes me away its my fault I'm not going to walk away from him. I'm not going to become a bitch.