døg/rabbit~~tysh/jøshler fic

Nothing Left To Fear; Finding What Is Real

@CastawayJoshler IS MY ACTUAL DAD SO BLESS UP TO THIS GREATNESS

I wake up to screaming, my screaming. My bones ache as my hands shake and I'm short of breath. I frantically look around me trying to find him. Where is he? Is he okay? I have to see him, I have to make sure he's okay.

"JOSH! JOSH, CAN YOU HEAR ME?" I'm screaming, and once I don't get an immediate answer I fall to my knees and cry pulling at my short, sweat soaked hair. Clawing at my throat and sobbing as I become more and more panicked. I'm shaking so hard that my muscles are burning from all the exertion.

This is the second time this week I've awoken screaming for Josh. I look up when I hear my door being opened, and spot his colorful hair. I jump up in record time and run into his arms.

"Josh you're okay, oh my god you're okay," I say holding both sides of his face between my shaking hands. My eyes search his and focuses on the small smile on his lips. He hasn't shaved in a couple of days causing his stubble to tickle my face as I burry my head into his shoulder.

I hold onto him with all my strength as he holds me back. The tears have come to a halt as I just enjoy his presence.

"Ty, what's wrong? What's blurry doing?" He asks rubbing soothing circles on my back. I pull back from him and ignore his question as a migraine begins to form. I squeeze my eyes shut and grab both sides of my head and start crying again.

Blurry's trying to take over again, and I'm not completely sure I'm strong enough to fight him. I start twitching and fall completely backwards.

Josh is at my side in seconds, and holding me in his strong arms tightly as he tries to calm me with soothing words.

"Tyler, talk to me what's going on? Tell me how I can help you," he says holding my hands together to keep me from clawing at myself.

I open my eyes and manage to free myself from Josh's grip and tackle him into a hug again surprising us both, "Josh, please make him stop, it hurts. Josh I don't want to live like this anymore. Josh, please help me," I sob into his shoulder.

He pulls me back just enough to look me in the eyes, and I drop my head to our laps. I blush when I realize I'm straddling Josh's lap in the middle of my cell floor.

He gently taps my chin and makes me look up at him as I try to stop sobbing, the pain in my head only intensifying as I keep adding pressure. He uses the pad of his thumbs to wipe my tears, and holds my face between his callused hands.

"Tyler you can trust me, what does Blurry want?" He says urging me to answer him.

I close my eyes and grab his shirt with my fist as I bring myself to comply,

"Josh, he wants you dead,"

I manage to say in a whisper. He pulls back and gives me an incredulous look. "What, why?"

"I'm so sorry Josh, he knows you make me stronger. He knows you help me defeat him. I swear I will never hurt you. I'll fight him for you, just don't leave me," I cringe at how desperate I sound.

He keeps staring at me, and my face heats up. I understand that he's my nurse and my emotional attachment to him is unprofessional, but he keeps blurry at bay. He's the only one that makes feel anywhere near normal.

"Tyler, you are so sweet and caring. Never let blurry take you away from me or your friends and family."

I give a half smile as I whisper, "I don't have friends and my family hates me, and before you tell me that I do in fact have people who love me I don't. I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm just telling you the truth."

We sit on my cold, hard floor with my head resting on his shoulder, and me still straddling his lap as he holds me. When he holds me it feels as if he's holding all of my broken pieces together and I feel whole even if it's just for a second.

This boy can't fix you, are you stupid Tyler? Of course you are you're completely messed up in your head. You'll hurt him Tyler. You'll never be good enough-

Josh goes to stand up and I grab ahold of him even tighter, "Please don't leave me alone yet. He's not completely gone," I whisper. He surprises me when he grabs me and stands up walking us to my small bed.

"You need some sleep, Ty." he says in a soothing voice.

He lays down and I lie beside of him using his arm as a pillow as I curl into his side. I actually have no other choice, we couldn't be able to fit any other way; although I'm really not complaining.

I think I may like Josh.

TYLER ARE YOU STUPID? You can't like Josh. You are so dumb, he doesn't even like you. This is his job.

I wince as blurry's voice echoes through my head, and Josh must notice because he reaches into his pocket and grabs his phone.

A song I've never heard before flooding through his speaker, and a beautiful melody accompany a strong, but soothing voice.

'In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain.

Nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Reflecting now on how things could've been. It was worth it in the end.'

I lay there next to Josh, and feeling the heat from him wrap around me like a warm blanket. I look up to see his eyes closed and a small smile ghosting his lips.

I smile as I let myself relax against Josh and I can feel blurry leave for now.

'Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear.

So we made our way by finding what was real.

Now the days are so long that summer's moving on.

We reach for something that's already gone.'

I've decided I like this song and make a note to ask Josh about it later as I refrain from ruining this rare moment of serenity.

I look back at him one last time and see his chest rising and falling at a steady rhythm and I can't help the butterfly feeling that I feel when I see him like this: so innocent and peaceful.

What did he mean when he said, "Never let blurry take you away from me or your friends and family."

Does he mean he likes you?

Does he mean he doesn't like you?

Are you not his friend?

I shake my head violently as I try to get rid of blurry, and Josh mumbles incoherently in his sleep while slinging his arm around my torso. I blush as he put his face in the crook of my neck. His breath fans across my neck and I shiver. Music plays in the background as I lay in my cute, caring nurse's arms and think about my life.

My hand goes to his now faded pink hair and I run my fingers through it as he lets out a small hum of approval.

I continue to play with his hair as my eyes become heavy and a small smile is resting on my face.

I've never went to sleep with a smile on my face.

"Josh, I think you're my best friend," I say still playing with his soft hair.

"You're my best fren too, ty," he mumbles and scoots closer to me, and curling up into my side. He reminds me of a sleepy pink kitten.

I've never had a friend before.

Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear.

So we made our way by finding what was real.

CastawayJoshler SLAYS AT LIFE AHH SHES MY QUEEN BLESS  !!