døg/rabbit~~tysh/jøshler fic

And/Or

*tw: I am in no way insulting mental health doctors or therapists because they can be very helpful. but in this situation-a completely fictional one-they are not as helpful as the ones in real life.

Early that morning, I woke up with the unexpected feeling of Josh's arms wrapped around me. I smiled to myself as I slowly turned to face him. His eyes were fluttering slightly behind his closed eyelids and his mouth was parted a little. His nose scrunched a little as a soft snore escaped his throat.

"What are you dreaming about, Joshie?" I whispered as I moved his bright hair from his eyes. He stirred a little before he finally peeled his lids open. His eyes seemed dull at first, like he didn't know where he was - like wherever he thought he was, he didn't want to be - until he saw me. Then his eyes sparkled like raindrops on autumn leaves lying in the sun. He smiled, then laid his hand on my jaw. He pulled me into a gentle kiss, caressing my cheeks, making me blush.

"Good morning, baby." He said, his voice still sleepy.

"Morning." I smiled back. His body was so warm against mine. He reminded me of home, but not the home where I'm from. My dream home that I thought I'd only receive after I died. I dreamed of someone who smelled like childhood. Who would love to talk to me about whatever and everything for hours on end, and who would just love to sit in silence while showing me how much they loved me instead of telling me. Someone who would listen to me, not just hear me. Someone who wouldn't mind if I retold stories or cried myself to sleep or fell into a deep depression at weird times. Someone who wouldn't tell me I was wrong, but that I needed to look at the whole picture instead. Someone like Joshua.

I tucked my head into the crook of his neck and pulled him closer to me. "I can't wait until we can really be together." I murmured against his neck.

He stroked my hair and chuckled. I felt his Adam's apple move against my forehead. "We are really together, Ty."

"No, I mean, in the real world. Where we can go on real dates and sleep in a real bed and-"

"Ty, while that would be nice, I love what we have. This is something that I will always remember us having."

"I know, but don't you want us to be a real couple?"

"Tyler, of course I do. It's just-"

"You don't think I'm ever gonna get out of here, do you?"

Silence.

I sighed,

"I don't know what you want me to say, Ty. I'm not going to lie to you, or give you false hope. The doctors are talking about you again. I can't withhold information, especially after that whole thing with Brendon..."

Silence.

Please, don't say what I think you're going to say, please.

"I told them we had sex. I had to, okay? Mel was asking questions, like she knew. I couldn't pretend that we didn't. I'm sorry, Ty."

I swallowed hard. I took a deep inhale and held it.

"It's okay, Josh. I-I understand. Your job was on the line. If you didn't tell and we were caught, you could've gotten fired. Then where would I be?"

Josh let out a huge breath, and I realized how fast his heart was beating within his chest.

He was nervous.

"Thank God. I thought...I thought you were going to be mad..." his voice caught a little, like he was holding back tears.

"Josh..." I looked up at him and smiled. I held his head to mine, and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Joshua, you make me sane. You make me feel normal, like I'm not in a mental hospital. You make me feel like I'm the old me. Young and unafraid."