døg/rabbit~~tysh/jøshler fic

I Want Out

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Waking up this morning was harder than normal, however, it wasn't due to Blurry this time. No, my current state of agony was caused by a stupid fuckboy with bright hair and puppy dog eyes.

Fuck Josh Dun.

Love fucking kills you. Love isn't walking in the park holding hands, and sharing laugher and kisses. No, love is someone driving a stake into your heart and pouring lemon juice on the open wound as you bleed out. Love is still wanting that person even though you know you shouldn't.

I groan as my door opens and Melanie stands there in her long pigtails and pastel pink dress holding a tray of food and some medicine.

"It's time for breakfast, Ty," her timid voice floats through the air as I force myself to sit up. I truly barely managed to do so. I feel like someone physically beat me to death and dragged me through a pile of bricks. I feel dead.

"Thanks Mel," I manage to give her a weak smile as I sit up a little straighter and rub at my temples.

"Tyler, I know you miss Josh," she says lowly as she braces herself for me to exploded and possibly try to choke her again.

"I really don't," I lie straight through my teeth as I watch her slump her shoulders and frown with a sigh.

"Tyler, lying and bottling up your feelings isn't good for you. You've been doing so good and I don't want you to relapse," Melanie says softly as she walks over to my bed and takes a seat next to me.

Melanie and I have actually grown pretty close since Josh abandoned me and left me all alone. She's actually not that bad once you get to talking to her.

"Mel, he's just some stupid guy that messed with me. I'm fine, really," I say giving her a fake smile.

"Okay, but, Tyler?"

"Yes Melanie?"

I watch as she drops her head and plays with her small fingers, "Dr. Urie and I have an important meeting for you to attend to with the two of us tomorrow. And for what it's worth Josh really did love you, Tyler. He loved you with everything in him. You are is world, Tyler."

"Please stop. He fucking turned on me and left. He didn't love me I was just another fuck toy. So save your nonsense to try and spare my feelings. If he loved me why did he leave?," I spit venomously as tears spring to my eyes and the familiar sting of unshed tears causes my head to hurt.

"Sometimes to protect the things you love you have to leave, Tyler. Sometimes protecting someone is loving them. Sacrificing you're feelings for another. Love isn't always happy endings," she says sadly as she stands and turns to walk out of my room.

I stare at the blank concrete walls in my dingy lit room as I feel numb.

I force myself to stand and grab my medicine. My muscles scream in protest as I force my joints to cooperate with my demands, and my legs almost gave out a few times.

I'm so weak and pathetic.

I down the medicine with a gulp of water and avoid the food as I walk back to my bed; I suddenly lost my appetite.

What could Melanie mean? Josh loves me? Josh actually adored me in the slightest?

NO,TYLER, SHE'S LYING TO YOU. SHE'S FEEDING YOU LIES AGAIN. HE USED YOU AND LEFT.

"No," I shake my head and grab at the slightly grown out locks. "No."

What did Melanie mean Josh left to protect me? Did Josh leave to protect me? If so what was he protecting me from?

SHE LIED. SHE'S TRYING TO MESS WITH YOUR HEAD AGAIN.

"Shut up," is all I whisper as the voice in my head begins to fade. With Josh gone I've learned how to stop Blurryface on my own.

On the good days it works, but they're still times I can't beat the voice screaming in my head. Blurryface will never be gone.

I sit on my bed and cross my hands over my stomach as I look up to the cracked ceiling. My head is swirling with questions I don't have the answers to and I hate it. I hate not knowing the answers to things. I hate the fact someone knows the answer to something I don't. I despise it.

I huff in annoyance as I let my mind drift to what Melanie said. I had a meeting to attend tomorrow and I don't even know what it's about.

Too many questions left unanswered.

My mind involuntarily drifts to Josh and his stupid perfectly sculpted face and pretty pink lips.

I miss him so fucking bad, but I'd die before I admit it.

I miss having his strong arms hold me as we sleep on the hard, lumpy mattress that left my back sore. I miss the good morning kisses and the way he always made sure I was okay.

I fucking miss him.

I crave the feeling of being loved again.

Falling in love is the worst thing a person can ever do because it's better to have never felt love at all than to feel it and have it yanked away from you. It hurts to know what love feels like and then not have it all.

Love sucks.

I feel a few warm tears leave tracks down my slightly dirty cheeks as I angrily wipe them away and sniffle.

Why do I miss Josh when I was the one who didn't let him explain himself. Why do I miss Josh when I'm the one who pushed him away?

I want this.

No, I wanted this.

Now I want out. Now, all I want is to run away from this place as far as I can and search every corner of the world until I find Josh. I want to find him and tell him I still need him and that I miss him. I want to feel his arms hug me closer as I cry into his chest and tell him how much he means to me.

I want to tell him how much I love him, but I can't. He's gone and I'll never see him again. I pushed him away, and now he's moving on.

I close my eyes in an attempt to halt the flow of my tears as I sniffle and rub at my stinging eyes.

Why do I ruin everything I love?

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