døg/rabbit~~tysh/jøshler fic

Dejà Vú

The secret rendezvous' in the break room and in my room when all the audio and cameras were switch off in the early hours of the day continued. They were what I looked forward to, actually. Where we would both be completely innocent and child-like almost, and in a blink of an eye Joshua was on top of his, his pupils blown, plump, pink ((major c)) lips attaching my jaw and neck. Where my nails would skid down the older man's already raw back as I screamed his name in climax, colliding with his own. Where he would hold me until I fell asleep safely into my own mind.

One night I wasn't so safe in my head.

The dream was back.

Everything happened exactly how it had before: the big news and the not-so-tough decision and how dapper Josh looked in a neck tie. Me, discovering the outside world and how much I thought I loved it, but in reality despised it and felt so alone. Then, me going back to that God forsaken facility, hoping that what Joshua told me wasn't real.

The way Josh's eyes looked when he saw me step closer.

The way Josh's eyes looked when he saw me.

The way Josh's eyes looked.

The collapsing roof.

My heartbeat in my throat.

The blood curdling screams of innocent souls feeling their vessels burn to a crisp.

My last step.

The way Josh's eyes looked.

A scream so gut wrenching that I hadn't realized was my own.

The earth escaping from underneath me.

The sound of imploding glass.

The smell of fire.

The smell of burning flesh.

The way Josh's eyes looked.

Sobs so hysterical that I hadn't realized were my own.

Flames licking at my skin and bones.

The smell of burning flesh.

Hollowed, empty pleas for help that I hadn't realized were my own.

The sound of red engulfing innocence.
((I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE THAT SOUND LIKE FOREST FIC IM SORRY ITS 5 IN THE MORNING))

The way Josh's eyes looked.

But the dream didn't stop there.

This time, I woke up. Not in real life, but in the dream. My scorched eyelids peeled open. It hurt worse than dying. Being alive did not feel as good as it might've seemed before.

I was in a hospital bed, faint sounds of beeping machines and low whispers of what I guessed were nurses.

Nurses.

Not nice nurses with squinty eyes and shiny teeth. Not optimistic nurses who comforted you and told you everything was going to be alright even though it might not turn out that way, you just really needed to here someone say it to you. Not nurses who had warm hands that matched the temperature of their heart, red cheeks to match their outrageous hair, bright laughs to match their inspiring spirit.

No. These were not those nurses.

These were nurses who wanted you dead, so it was easier for them to do their job and to go home. Nurses who copied a smile from the magazines and TV shows and tried their hardest to keep them plastered on long enough to convince you are being taken care of. Nurses who told you bad news just for the hell of it. Spit in you food. Laughed when you flinched. Thrived on your pain like that was their morphine. Like they needed it more than you.

And they were all blurry-faced.

~~~

"Tyler, if you don't talk to me, Melanie will." Josh tried to coax me out of the silent treatment I was giving him. I wouldn't talk about the dream. It was so surreal. I shook my head slightly at the lame threat. No one would talk to me. Some wouldn't even look at me. Except Josh. It was a fact.

Josh's strong arms gripped me a little bit tighter. "Tyler, please. I can't stand to see you like this."

I swallowed hard, "Then just go." I squeaked out.

"Why would I do that, Tyler? Do you really think I'd ever leave you?"

I shrugged, burying my face deeper into my hands.

Hands that create shit. Pure trash. Worthless, useless hands.

"Tyler. Tyler, look at me, please." I felt his soft finger on the bottom of my chin as he gently yet firmly moved my head to face him.

"Listen. Tyler, I would never leave you. And I never will. Tyler, I...I love you. I've never felt this way before, this feeling is brand new to me. I felt it when I first looked in your eyes and I will always have this feeling no matter what. I love you."

I love you.

I stood up from his grasp and paced the room.

He loves me.

"Tyler?"

"How?"

"You have a right to feel happy Ty. You have a right to feel the way that I feel, and to feel that way about someone else to. It doesn't necessarily need to be for me, I mean I'm your nurse, so I would get why-"

"Iloveyoutoo." I rushed the words out from behind face and up my throat, through my tongue and cheeks, teeth and lips.

Josh stopped rambling, and just kind of stared at me, eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar. I realized I had stopped pacing right in front of him, copying the same dumbstruck look.

We both didn't move. We didn't dare to breathe.

After a while, Josh broke the silent staring.

"W-what...?"

I swallowed hard, and replied breathlessly and slower,

"I love you too, Joshua."

YIKES this is probs v shitty but fluff is so fucking cute like ??