Not What I Expected (A Marcel Fanfic)

Chapter 13

In a blink of an eye, Marcel untagles his hand from mine and mumbles something I don't understand while getting up and leaving. I'm still there, watching him leave, and I'm more confused than I have ever been in my entire life. What just happened? If no one was looking at us when we were kissing, I can now declare the whole cafeteria is looking at me and whispering things. What is wrong with everyone?

I get up and leave as fast as I can. I look for Alexa at the our lockers, but she's not there. I jog to Marcel's locker, but everyone seems to have disappeared from school. I lick my lips, and I can still taste Marcel's sweet lips. I shut my eyes close and breathe in and out, before rubbing my eyes, and getting ready to go to class.

Tuesday went by. And so did Wednseday. And Thursday too. And Marcel ran away every single day from me. And with everyday my heart hurts more, and I can't sleep very well anymore. So on Friday I decide to go look for Marcel, and talk to him. Because we kissed and then he just left, and hasn't talked to me ever since. When I see him, he's talking to Leeroy and I grab him before he runs away from me.

''Marcel we need to talk.'' I tell him. He swallows hardly and nods.

''What about?'' he looks innocent, but I'm not going to fall for it.

''What happened at the cafe-''

''I don't know what came over me saying you  were my girlfriend, Zayn was giving me dirty looks. Sorry.''

''So we-''

''I know it was a game. It didn't mean anything to me either.'' he seems so serious. Not one doubt in his voice, he's not flinching, he's not blushing. 

''But to me-''

''I'm sorry.''

He walks away. I awkwardly stand there, and no, I don't feel like crying. Somehow I have always expected this. And although I have, I can't get through the day.

I leave school, and my feet carry me to Alexa's apartment. I sit down on the couch silently. And I start to wonder, what have I done wrong to deserve this? For once, I thought this was it. My prince charming. With pretty green eyes, and brown hair. Intelligent, and funny and quiet. But it never works out my way, does it? It's always the other way around. If I want it, it doesn't happen. I lay down, and start to cry. And I keep crying. Not because of the stupid kiss. Because Marcel rejected me. Because everyone always rejects me. Because I hate myself, and everyone does too.

I get a headache, and I cry even harder. Sobs turn into screams, and tears turn into rivers. I don't even want to cry anymore, it's tiring. But I cry even harder. I lose my breath, and fall down to my knees. I start crying into my hands.

And then the door opens, and loud laughters turn into silence. I look up, and a blurry image of Alexa rushes towards me, as Zayn stays gaping in the doorway. I must look like a monster, with make up all over my face, sweat covering my entire body.

''Delilah, what happened? Talk to me!'' she sounds so desperate, and I really try to talk, I do, but the sounds just don't leave my throat. Zayn comes closer, and sits down in front of me.

''Let me handle this.'' he says solemnly. Alexa nods and lets go of me.

''Delilah. Calm down, and look at me.'' I try to swallow my sobs and look at him. He's not smiling, he doesn't have a look of pity on his face like Alexa. He just looks at me.

''What happened?''

''Zayn. Leave.'' I manage to tell him. He's the last person I want to tell about my love problems. He looks a bit surprised, but puts back his straight face, and gets up. Alexa takes his place in front of me.

''Marcel, he-'' I gasp but burst out crying again.

''What did Marcel do?''

''He said that, that, the kiss...'' I say between sobs. ''Meant nothing... And it was... it was a game.'' the crying starts again.

Alexa craddles me in her arms, and starts 'shh'-ing at me. But the only thing that I can hear is Marcel's voice saying 'I know it was a game. It didn't mean anything to me either.'

''It will be ok, Delilah. You'll see. I'll talk to him.'' I pull myself out of her arms and look at her furiously.

''No! I'm sick of you doing everything for me! We both have to accept I'm that terrible! I don't need your pity!''

''Fine.'' she doesn't even try to argue with me. She gets up and goes where Zayn went. I'm left alone.

I get my phone, and call Marcel. God knows why. He rejects my call, and I join Alexa and Zayn in the kitchen. Alexa offers me a chocolate bar, and I take it. I have barely eaten anything today.

My head is spinning, and although I laugh at Alexa and Zayn's lame jokes, the sorrow is more powerful than ever. I really liked Marcel, and I thought he liked me too. I got over the fact he would ruin my reputation, I overcame my self-pride. And yet here I am, crying for the 100th time over a boy.

I decide to go for a walk eventually. And I walk, not heading anywhere particularly, looking straight forward, looking nowhere. Again, life goes on, and time doesn't stop for me. No one cares. No one ever will. L.A. will still be L.A., Zayn and Alexa will still be in love, everything is going to be the same. But it's not going to be the same for me.

I've given up. I've given up love, and I've given up hope.

After I have no other word of self-pity to tell myself, I start to think about Marcel, and realize what I lost. I lost someone that wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I'm sure he thought the kiss didn't mean anything to me either. Ah, the kiss. A shiver runs down my spine as I remember how his lips felt upon mine, how we connected and how incredibly fast my heart was beating. 

I lost a person that was beautiful most probably in and definitely out. I have never seen a person with such beautiful eyes. And the contrast they have with his pink lips, it drives me crazy only to think about them.

But no matter how many handsome things I find about him, his laugh and smile will always be the most beautiful parts about him. His smile is brighter than a ray of sunshine. And his laugh just warms you on the inside, and the way his eyes crinkle... I just can't help but think that this whole crush will not end well.

When I get back to the apartment, I don't feel like going in, because I know Alexa and Zayn will be asking so many questions my head will explode. Instead, I slide down the door, and stay there. The silence is too peaceful to abandon. I hear their voices inside, so I put my ear to the door and start listening. I know it's not nice to eavesdrop, but I don't really care what's naughty or nice right now. Christms isn't coming soon... My birthday is though...

''Zayn, tell me.'' Alexa says.

''How am I supposed to know?!''

''Well I'm not the one who's in a book club with him!'' I instantly realize they're talking about Marcel.

''I don't know anything, baby.''

''Well something's up... because is not the kind of guy that does that...''

It never occured to me before. The fact that he's not the kind of guy who does that. But I don't think something's up, I just think I'm too ugly and boring for anyone to like me. When they stay silent, I realize they somehow ended up making out, so I decide to walk on them, and ruin their moment, because I feel like being mean to couples. Not that I always feel like being mean to couples.

''I'm home and want ice cream!'' I yell and run into the kitchen. ''Ooh, did I interrupt your little make out session?'' I mock. ''I'm sorry! Noooot!'' I yell again and run out of the kitchen. That boosted my mood a little I guess.

Eventually I go sit down on the couch, earphones in my ears to keep out the loud sounds coming from Alexa's bedroom (yeah, again). When I run out of weird positions to lay, I throw myself in bed. Most probably I'm not going to wake up until Sunday, when I have that stupid party to go to with Louis.

The party.