If Only She Knew

Chapter 1: Thoughts

Have you ever felt so worthless or useless but you never showed any emotions?

Have you ever felt like screaming and crying at the same time for just being alive?

Have you ever felt like disappearing and never coming back?

well i have, my name is Mia Jackson, i am 18 years old and i currently live in Canada. Mom and dad got married 20 years ago and we lived in new york till they found out i was bullied, I never wanted to leave the city, I told them that I can change schools but they thought it'd be better if we left and as a 9 years old girl I don't think i had a choice but to listen to them and not argue.

It had all started when I felt so weak for the second time in my entire life. it was impossible to forget about this cruel life and It was obviously so hard to move on from my past.

"Worthless piece of shit" My bully yelled

"Please don't hurt me! i will do whatever you want" I begged

Zoe used to be my bully till the age of 9, she never left me alone, she always found a different way to make fun of me or beat me up or even make others hate me. i remember that one time when she pushed me down the stairs and i broke my foot and when mom and dad found out about what really happened she talked to Zoe's parents and of course the principal

I feel like whenever I try to be ok and forget about my past i end up overthinking about it and whether I'm good enough or not or why does this happen to me and this is why I'm not happy

Do you ever just lay in bed wanting to relax and sleep but end up thinking about life and your problems instead? Well this happens all the time with me I didn't realize it was near 4 am until i heard my alarm go off,
I sighed and threw my feet out of the bed before heading to the bathroom.

I've been doing this since almost three years, i walk every morning at 4 am to the nearest park and then come back around 6, take a shower, eat breakfast and then head to school.

I put my sport bra on and wore the yoga pants and the jacket before walking downstairs.

"Morning dad" I mumbled when i saw him in the kitchen a cup of coffee in his hand

"Morning sweetheart" he smiled

I took a bottle of water out of the fridge and turned to him "You heading to work early?"

"Yeah my shift starts at 5:30 today and I have to leave,"

I nodded "ok I'm going out now," I mumbled before walking toward the door

"Mia" he called my name before walking towards me

"Yes dad?"

"Your mother and I need to speak with you when you get back from school ok?"

I raised my eyebrows panic started to crawl to me "am i in trouble?"

"Not that I know of kid, but everything's fine don't worry about it," he said "have a good day" he kissed my forehead

"You too dad" I smiled before walking out of the house

Both of my parents are doctors and I can't imagine how hard their jobs are, we barely have time together since they work at the hospital, sometimes mom's shift is late at night but dad's early so i get to spend time with her after school and sometimes the opposite