If you want to know me, you will have to try hard

Chapter 10- Confession 1

Short chapter before school starts to get busy. I won’t be updating as much because of work and School but also I am going to see One Direction in 13 day. Can’t wait!!!

Vote and comment because I feel like you don’t like it very much.

I began crying, I knew what they were talking about. I knew I had hit Ben by accident.

“You said my name first and I hit you” I half questioned half stated still crying. I couldn’t believe it. Their girlfriends will think I am some physco and Ben probably thinks i will hit him again.

“Im not going to answer that” he said looking straight into my eyes.

“I am so sorry I was just having another episode, I didn’t mean it, and really I won’t hit you on purpose.” I broke down even more.

“Hey hey hey, it’s okay. You can tell me if you want to, I won’t make you.” Ben said hugging me.

I cried some more and beau must of sensed that I wanted to tell Ben what had just happened. Because I saw him over there with the rest of the boys probably telling them what happened.

“I want to tell you” I said after I managed to sober up from crying. Ben helped me up and carried me over some where more private to tell him.  I sat down and Ben sat across from me holding my hands. I took a deep breath, here goes, I thought to myself.

“So as you probably know me and the four boys are really close and act like brother and sister. Well back home in Southampton we did everything together, but one night I decided to go to a party because the boy I liked back home invited me and a plus one but  I didn’t bring a plus one because I didn’t want the boys to know otherwise they all would’ve wanted to come as well. His name was Josh and when I first got there he was heaps nice and we danced but as the night went on I didn’t drink but Josh did and he began trying to take my clothes of me in his backyard and I knew I didn’t want to be there anymore but he wouldn’t let me go home so I pulled my phone out from back pocket and called Beau cause he is first on the list. I acted like I wasn’t on the phone. Josh stopped but he lead me to the bon fire there and we sat down and I sat on his lap and he began kissing me roughly and I told him to stop it but he grabbed my wrist and kept holding it so Beau must have known something was up and he knew where I was because I told him I was going to Josh’s place. He dragged me up to his room and took of my top and he had his off. I was so scared I was going to get raped by my own boyfriend. That’s when Beau and Matt came in and beat him up. The next day I went to school and acted like nothing happened and dumped him. No one knows why I dumped him but us, after this happened he told everyone he dumped me because I wouldn’t sleep with him and that I am a prude. So after that night I didn’t want to go to school. My friends didn’t want to be my friends anymore, they chose the popular group over me and my parents got divorced because my dad had an affair with another women and mum dumped him on the spot without wanting to hear the rest of his story. My cousins had been travelling while my parents got a divorce and they didn’t know about it until after it happened. My mum got custardy over us and she doesn’t make us go and see him if we don’t want to. When the boys found out they knew it was coming but wished they were here for me. “I looked up at the stars and tried not to cry again.

“And that’s why I don’t trust boys but there is something about you that I can’t explain that’s makes me trust you.” I finished my story and looked back at Ben to see his reaction. He looked angry, revealed and surprised all at the same time.

“I don’t know what to say apart from that I won’t ever hurt you and that you are so strong after being though all of that but what about the whole change of image thing, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I smiled at him.

“I will tell you another time, maybe when we get back home.” I smiled at him.

“Come on let’s go and enjoy this bon fire” I told Ben as I began to stand up and brush of the sand from my shorts.

When we reached the bon fire everybody smiled at me but no one asked me questions which I was thankful for. There was only one seat left but I was happy to just sit on Bens lap. When we sat down he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed my jaw line. We talked about anything and everything. We all fell into a peaceful silence but Matt brought out his guitar from behind him.

“Let’s sing some songs” he said with a smile on his face. By this time the adults had headed back after dinner, which was burger and chips. I smiled at him because he knew I liked to sing. 

As Matt began to strum his guitar I knew  what song it was is.  Little things by One Direction, I am currently loving this song.

Your hand fits in mine

Like it's made just for me

But bear this in mind

It was meant to be

And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks

And it all makes sense to me

As we were singing the song Ben kept rubbing his hand up and down my leg while taking pictures.

You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you

And you'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to.

If I let you know I'm here for you

Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you, oh.

While Ben sang Niall’s part I kept still and took a photo of us.  It surprised me that he knew this song but then again I did make him listen to the whole album more than once on our way to Bondi. After we sang little things we sang some of the classics like Kids in America, Summer of 69 and some more recent ones. After a while we made our way back to the hotel.