Depression Hit Me Hard

Depression Hit Me Hard

By: Hxidxn

© 2013-2016 by Hxidxn.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This is a work of fiction. It does not affect anyone, the living or the dead. Names, characters, incidents and places are a product of author's imagination. Any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental.

Prologue: My Side Of Story

I stared emptily at the pink-coloured wall in my room, sitting on the bed hopelessly. It may only be a normal-looking wall to other people, but to me, it is special. It has a deep meaning behind the wall. Something...well, no one can understand and relate to but me. Just me.

I don't understand it at first, out of so many people in the world, why me? I seem to always question myself but there will never be an answer to it. Am I special? No, it couldn't be. Do I deserve this? Yes, it must be. Even though many people said I didn't, I think I do. I just can't understand it, not right now I guess. I tried and tried but I always fail. I am a failure. Definitely.

I glanced at my wrists. Awful. I can't have a second look. It will make me cry even more. My stomach, thighs, they are worse. I may be silent, but I am screaming inside. This pain that I am feeling, I want it to end. I can't take it any longer. I don't know what to do. I don't know who to share my problems with.

Will my mom scold me? Will my friends think I am crazy and hate me? Will strangers avoid me?

Suicide. Will it work? What will others think of me when I leave this cruel world? Will my parents be shocked, and shameful? Will anyone be affected by my death? Or will everyone think I deserve to go?

Every single day, I ask myself those questions. I am worthless, hopeless and everything negative you could ever possibly think of. I decided to stand up and go ahead to look at myself in the mirror. Who do I see? Me.

I look at my body. Fat and disgusting. However, it's hard. Hard to convince people I still look fat in my own naked eyes. Yet they kept on saying I am thin, too thin to be of my height. Yeah, I am petite, and small. But they said I shouldn't be this thin. They said I should stop being anorexic because it is pathetic.

Ew at them.