Depression Hit Me Hard

17: Mess

When I reached home, I realized I was a mess. A huge mess. It's 2PM, it's been hours since that thing happened but I can't face Luke anymore. He would definitely hate people like me, we've been accused of being an attention seeker too many times. It hurts to be blamed, to be assumed by others. The sad thing is, they won't listen. They're too full of themselves.

Ever since I came home, I've locked my window and closed my curtains, carefully making sure that there's no view of my room from Luke's. Not even a tiny peek. I lay in bed and thought about all the possibilities, still in my running attire. I'm too lazy to change. Mom isn't home ever since I came back, she must've been out at the mall or something. And then it hit me. Emma's party! How can I forget?

I took out my phone and messaged Emma.

Me: Hey Emma. I'm so so so so sorry but I think I'm gonna pass for the party. I'm having a bit of a migraine right now and I think it's gonna last for the rest of the day. Have fun xoxo

I pressed send and threw my phone aside. Without even bothering to change, I took a nap, escaping to dreamland. The only place where I'll be happy. As happy as can be.

"Ally, let's go. Come on, you'll be happy forever, it's what you wanted remember," a voice whispered.

"N-n-no, n-not y-y-yet," I stammered.

"Now. Ally now!" The voice is shouting now.

"No! You can't stop me! My mom needs me!" I screamed back.

"She doesn't even care for you!" The voice replied almost instantly.

"If you're not doing it, I'm doing it for you. Think about it, you'll sleep forever! No more problems," the voice assured.

I heard voices around me but there's no one. I'm in an empty room, an empty black room.

"No! No!" I kept on shouting, but the voices became louder. I didn't understand what they were saying, but I'm sure they're trying to get me to shut up.

Suddenly, the room became quiet. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and there's nothing. And then, I saw something shiny. And it's going in my direction fast. I squint my eyes to try and take a better look.

I gasped upon realizing it's a knife. A freaking knife. Coming towards me! I was about to run, but before I could do anything, the knife landed at my heart. It stabbed me. Blood started dripping and soaking my shirt. I screamed as loud as I could, I fell to the ground and then the voice told me," The pain is only for awhile. You're better now."

And then, I woke up with my mom beside me. I was crying, my eyes filled with tears. I am scared.

"Ally are you alright? You were shouting," mom told me with concern in her voice.

"Y-yeah. What time is it?" I asked.

"It's 5," she replied.

"Shit! I'm gonna have a shower," I told her. I've wasted a Saturday! I could be out shopping or something.

"Language, Ally. Alright I'll be in my room if you need me. I'm taking a rest," mom told.

I muttered a 'sorry' and checked my phone.

Emma: Aww, you'll be missing out big time! :( Rest well babe xx

Then I took a shower. A long, relaxing one.

•••••••••••••••••

- Luke's POV -

It's all my fault. I shouldn't have grabbed her arm at that moment. I should have done it another time, when she's more comfortable around me. But somehow I knew it, I knew there was something wrong about her. But she couldn't have....