Depression Hit Me Hard

6: Lost

Just as I thought things would get better afterwards, I was wrong. Jessica and Alfie was a different problem, and my parents was another. But Brienna, this past few days she's been realizing something. The scars. She's the first to notice I guess. Uh - oh. What would she think of me? She hated those people who cut themselves, not knowing her friend is one of those people she hated.

After school, she sent me a text message. It frightened me little bit.

Brienna: Hi. Watcha doing?

Me: Doing my homework, what about you?

Brienna: Just relaxing. Can I ask you something?

Me: Err yeah sure. What is it?

Brienna: Those things on your wrists. Are those scars? What have you been doing Ally?

Me: It is nothing. A cat scratched me. No big deal.

Brienna: You're lying aren't you? I know those came from penknife or something. Come on Ally. Stop hiding from me. What good can those scars do? Grow up. Are you happy now, since you did this?

Me: I didn't do this to be happy.

I tossed my phone aside. I can't bear to read anymore. Ouch. How can Brienna do this to me? It's as if getting bullied is not enough already. I look at my scars on my wrists. Hell yeah it's disturbing but, it's my way of letting go of my problems. What's wrong with that? It's not her wrists isn't it? It's mine. So first, I got bullied and now, I'm about to lose my friend. My only friend. It's interesting, isn't it? My life, boring as hell! And full of shit. Ergh. That's when I couldn't handle it anymore. That night, I did it again. I cut again. Just as I thought I would at least be a day clean of cuts and scars, guess I was wrong huh? My problems, they always pull me down. Especially when I'm going up. Seems like everyone hated seeing me be happy. There's always someone who would screw things up for me. Wow. That's just the way life is. There's nothing I could do. There's no one I could ask for help.

Just then, I remembered. Miss Josephine. She told me I could ask for her help, if there's something wrong. But really, do I want to tell her? I don't know. What can she do? Will she help? Will she instead make everything worse? This is hard for me. Sigh. How I wish there would never be ups and downs in my life. But then again, I would be dead, right? If there's no ups and downs, I'm nothing. But my life, it's scary. What am I going to do now? Give up? Maybe.