The Broken Ones

Rain Go Away

Song: Next to Me by Imagine Dragons

Worked helped me distract myself from my talk with Jessica yesterday. It helped me keep my mind busy with something that didn't involve Alexander or anything related to Alexander. Sarah asked me if I was okay by the way I had come in with dull eyes and a bit of red in my eyes. I did tell her what happened and Sarah did tell that everything was going to be okay, but I know it's not. So far, I have been the only one getting hurt. And I didn't want to tell Alexander about the baby. I don't know how he would react that is the thing that scares me. If he will get angry at me or actually be glad about it. Either way, they both don't end well. Life just seems to get more and more difficult as the days pass. I am glad though that Sarah and Jessica are trying to help me as much as they can. I appreciate everything they are doing for me. I don't know what life would be life without them. 

I continue to work around the flower shop, helping costumers and watering down all the flowers. It was the flower shop that kept my mind off of everything. The place around me was shining. The sun is out and everyone was just going on with their day. Costumers came in and out of the store. It is content in the store. That is what I liked about the store. The calmness of it and how nothing can really get crazy. Things were finally able to calm down. Sarah came out and smiled at me, holding a vase full of flowers in them. "Those look special," I tell her. "Ordered in by a man. Anniversary he says. He told me to make them special for him. " I smiled, looking at the flowers. I like anniversary flowers. Especially the ones that are just huge because you just know the man loves the woman if he is willing to give her so many flowers that are quite expensive. 

These flowers actually reminded me of Alexander when we were still so in love and just loved the fact that were married and everything. He would bring me the biggest flowers. I kept help but frown as the feeling sunk in. Yes, this man loves this woman. But, I miss that feeling sometimes. That feeling of being cared for and that feeling that there would more years to come of this. "You alright, dear?" Sarah asks, looking at me with a knowing look. I gave her a small smile before I turned around and looked out at the flowers, trying to hold myself from crying. I hate that Alexander can have this effect on me even when he isn't here. I hate the fact that he has this power of me that I can't control. I had wasted my life with the relationship and marriage I had with him and it is difficult to love another person when I have already handed my heart to someone else. I just don't get how he can just move on so fast living such a happy life while I am here still struggling to move on from him. 

"Willa, I am sure everything will be okay. You got John now though. You have to move on from that horrible man. I know it's hard for you, but you can't keep letting that man control your emotions. He moved on. Now it's your turn." I nodded. I know I have to move on and I know I have John but it just isn't that easy. Especially when Alexander is the one who is here. Sarah rubs my back, trying to comfort me. I hate my feelings towards Alexander. And I hate Alexander. I shake my head before I head off towards the back of the shop to refill the flowers. I don't know how long I am going to deal with Alexander. The sooner he has his wedding, the better because I just need him out of my life. I know he is fine now and I know that he is a lot happier than ever now that he has his new woman in his life. I'd just like to move on from him though. And with him being far away from me would help a whole lot more than him being here near me. I don't need old memories to resurface because of him. I don't want to go through that pain again. 

The day was slowly ending and it was that time for the shop to close. Sarah and I said our goodbyes before I headed out. It was drizzling a bit outside, but nothing major. I inhaled the smell of the rain, the scent of it calming down my nerves. No one can't understand my love of the rain. There is just something I love about it. It's not simple to express in words but the rain just calms me and is just able to wash away my worries in a way. I can remember a moment when Alexander was sitting on the couch one night reading a book and I was just watching TV when I saw rain pouring outside. I had screamed out "It's raining!" before jumping up and running outside and settling myself on a chair on the porch, closing my eyes and enjoying the rain fall on my face. Alexander came out and looked at me questioningly. "What are you doing?" He asks. With my eyes still closed, I responded with "Escaping." I could tell he had a smirk on his face, but he didn't say anything else.  After that day, every time it rained, Alexander knew to leave me alone if I went outside. That was my Me time. I never knew what he thought though. I have always wondered if he thought I was crazy or something for loving the rain. I just knew that he understood that I loved it and to leave me alone whenever I went outside.