The Broken Ones

First Date

Song: Speeding Cars by Walking on Cars

The next day, I woke up dazed and confused. I am really hoping that last night was a dream and not reality. It just seems better to deal with than it actually being real. I checked my alarm clock and saw that it is only 8 am. Jessica must be getting prepared to head to work. I get up and start getting prepared for the day. After doing all of that, I saw that Jessica did already leave for work from her empty presence in the apartment. I then made myself a small cup of tea and a small breakfasts. I then started to think of last night. Alexander being there and everything. So if it is real, why would he react that way? I hate how is able to just control me even after years of not being near me. I hate him so much but at the same time, I still couldn't help but feel something that tugged myself towards him. I hated that feeling. Even now. 

I shouldn't worry about Alexander though. I should be thinking about John. John is in my life now and Alexander is getting married. I shouldn't be thinking about Alexander when he is getting married also. I just shouldn't be thinking about him. It is hard though seeing how he did have such a big impact in my life. It isn't easy for me to just forget about him. It is extremely difficult for me. Why did I have to fall in love with Alexander out of all people? I really must've been on something if I have fallen this hard for Alexander that day. The way I fell in love with Alexander though really wasn't instant as fairy tales would say it would be. I actually hated Alexander when I first met him. I was young though and very naive. But the things Alexander did just to get a date out of me is a long story. 

It was actually my last year of college and I was working at an antique shop called "Old Marlows" which I actually loved working at. It wasn't where I met Alexander though. We actually met outside a coffee shop when I was busy doing homework. Alexander had come from a meeting and waiting for his ride outside the coffee shop and I was just sitting there outside, doing my homework. I did glance up at him because any woman with a good eyesight and sense could clearly see that he is good looking and very handsome. He was also wearing a suit and had his hair well done. I just had this sense that he was no good since every woman that passed by him looked at him with need and hunger. Alexander didn't mind the looks either. He actually sent them winks and made them fluster a bit. With that, I knew he really wasn't any good. I still did find him attracted though. It seemed like he noticed me though because I could see from the corner of my eye, he was looking at me. 

I pretended not to notice and focused back on my homework. I didn't want to deal with some guy who seemed to look rich and also seemed to do well in the department of woman. I glanced up once more and saw that Alexander was standing in front of me. It was a bright day that day though, so I did have to squint my eyes a bit to take a better look at him. "Is this seat taken?" He says while pointing at the chair across from me. I wanted to say yes but instead, I just shook my head. That should've been the first sign that I was on something. "What are you working on?" He asks while looking at me. I was a bit lost with words. Here he was, a handsome young guy, talking to me, and having a spell over me. My mouth couldn't form any words. I had them already in my head but I just couldn't say them. What was wrong with me. Alexander still looked at me, waiting for me to say something. Finally, I composed myself. "I am uhh...working on homework." He gives me a small smile which did take my breath away just a bit. 

Before I did meet Alexander, I had only dated a few people in my life. But none of them had affected me like he was effecting me at that moment. It was a new feeling and I wasn't sure if I liked the feeling or not. All I knew was that I didn't like feeling it towards him. "You go to college?" Alexander asks once looking over the paper and books around me. I nodded. "What major?" I saw that people were looking at us as they passed by. It made me a bit self-cautious. "I am learning to become an English teacher." I tell him. I saw a look of surprise from him. "Wow. A teacher? I have never met a woman studying to become a teacher. Most of who I met want to become psychologists or business. Never a teacher though. How is that?" Alexander did seem interested in that fact that I was learning to become a teacher. Still though, I didn't trust it.  "It hasn't been that hard. I have been working in a classroom and just learning more literature." I say. He nods and then looks at me. "I'm sorry if I am intruding. I just noticed you sitting here alone. I just thought a pretty lady needed some company. I'm Alexander." I give him a small smile. "Willa." I say. His smile grew. "Willa. That's a beautiful name." I did blush a bit but held myself back from going full blown red. I didn't want to show him how he affected me. Suddenly, a black sleek car came pulling up. "Well, my ride is here. I am sorry to leave. It is nice meeting you, Willa. Hopefully we can do this again when I am not busy. Here's my business card." Alexander then pulled out a card out of his jacket pocket and a pen, writing on it before handing it to me. "My personal number is on the back. Call me whenever. Goodbye,Willa." Alexander then gets up and heads towards the car, the driver getting out and opening the car door for him. He looks at me one last time, giving me a smile before entering the car. 

 I never did call him after that. But that never stopped him. I've always gone to that coffee shop to do homework or to just hang out at that. And I am sure he knew that at a point because he did go back. He did try to strike up a conversation with me. Each time, I would play hard to get because I just didn't like him and I just didn't want to be with someone that just seemed to be a player. But one day, I just gave up. He was just becoming annoying and I just wanted to get everything over with. So when he asked me out after several times of asking, I finally said yes. He told me to be ready by 8pm, dressed as if I was going to visit the Queen of England. So that night, I dressed up in my most fanciest outfit and did put on minimum make-up on. He arrived on time. 

Our first date was taken place at an art gallery. It was a fancy art gallery though that people like Alexander would afford pay to enter. The art was very beautiful though. Alexander told me facts about them as if he was the one who had painted them. I was actually interested in the paintings because I do like art and I really did think that art was very beautiful. The place was also beautiful and simple which I enjoyed. After the art gallery, Alexander took me to a small, yet also fancy restaurant. I understood why he wanted me to dress up because the place was very high class. Throughout the dinner though, I didn't feel like I fit in such I am not rich and I don't act like the people around me act. I am not a part of their society. I didn't tell Alexander that. But, we did talk and I did get to know him better and I did see that he really wasn't bad at all. It wasn't until after the dinner that I just had that moment. Alexander decided to take a walk around a garden that the restaurant had with local food they plant. It was dark out that night and so everything was glowing from the moonlight and the lamps around. My feet were hurting because I was wearing heels and we did do a lot of walking around because of the art gallery and now walking in the garden. "Can we just take a small break? My feet are killing me." I say. Alexander nods and then we arrive at a bench. 

I sat down and he stood there. I then took off my heels and I saw my feet were a bit red and just a bit swollen. "Your feet look like they hurt." Alexander says. I just nod. He then kneels down and took my feet, placing it on his knee and just began to message them. I hate to admit it, but I just loved his hands on my feet. I felt so good and I just couldn't help but let out a small moan which made him smile. "Maybe we should take a break from heels for a while." He jokes which did make me chuckle a bit. I couldn't help but just look at him, but really look at him. I saw that he did care. I saw something in him that just made me fall for him. After that day, I couldn't stop thinking about him. He made me fall far for him. And now, I regret ever saying yes to that first date. I would've still hated him if I didn't go on that date. I wouldn't be hurt like I am now, still mourning over my baby that I did lose. 

I don't know what would have happened if Alexander and I did stay together. Maybe I would have my baby and maybe I would be happy. But, I would also eventually find out about Alexander. I still would end up in the same place I am at except with a kid I love. Instead, I am here just hurt over everything. Alexander really did ruin my life. He took my heart and just decided that it wasn't worth keeping, throwing it away. Now I can't find it. Life is a big mess. It isn't like a rollercoaster. It's a big puzzle project with missing pieces. I am just trying to find those missing pieces. The problem though is that Alexander has some of those pieces. And so in order for me to get those back, I may need to talk to Alexander to just straighten everything out. I don't want to deal with him for so long. After this wedding is done, I don't want to see him or speak with him ever again because he is already causing enough damage as it is to me with him being here now. I just want to be happy and I just can't be happy with him here. Especially with what he did yesterday. Yesterday, he did cross a line. He can't just swoop in and just do what he wants because he just can. I am not a part of him anymore, so he can't be doing those type of things he did yesterday. I have my life and he has his. It already hurts enough that he has moved on and he is getting married. But that hurt won't go away if he keeps showing up, acting like a superhero when he became the villain when he left. And he isn't helping me move forward in life when he is here. I am dating John now. It's difficult for me to move on when he is here, reminding me of those painful memories we once had. I just don't know how long I can take before I really do break.