The Broken Ones

The Calm Before the Rain

Song: Happier(acoustic) by Marshemello ft. Bastille

Seeing Alexander at the flower shop did not ease my mind. I didn't know he was going to be there nor did I know that he was going to apologize to me. I don't know what his intentions are nor do I know what he wants from me but all I know is that I can't keep doing this with him. This whole back and forth thing. It's just way too much for me and I really can't handle this. Alexander needs to stop doing this to me. It seems like he is just playing his own game with me and I am just one his pawns. It just seems all crazy to me. When I was with him, life did seem simple. Life seemed great. Without him, life became sad and depressing. Now with his back again, I am just filled with so much anger and confusion. There are just so many emotions around me, I don't know how to handle all of them. I don't know if Alexander means to make me feel like this, I do know though that he needs to just slow down everything so that I won't have to deal with anything. I don't want to stress over anything anymore when it comes to him! 

Jessica was a bit pissed when she found out about Alexander. She never did like him. When we did get home after the club, she did comfort me a bit and told me that things were going to be better once Alexander was out of our lives. I didn't know what that is. Alexander and his fiance seem to be taking their sweet time to get to the wedding. I just need them to hurry up and get it done with so I don't have to see him anymore. Days went on, though, without seeing Alexander which I was very thankful for. I could relax a bit, not seeing him at the flower shop for another appointment. It just seemed like things were getting better for me just a bit. I just know it won't last long. 

Jessica and I were sitting at the dinner table. I helped her make spaghetti, her favorite. It's dark out and there wasn't a lot going on. I like it this way. Having it be calm and relaxing with no drama at all. We were eating peacefully, Jessica talking about the diner drama. Jessica falls looks at me and drops her fork. "So, I haven't really told you this because of what has been going on with drama but I want to tell you something." Jessica seemed nervous as I looked at her, curious of what she wanted to tell me. "So, at the club, there was a guy that I met. I didn't really think much of it until the guy came into the diner. We did talk and everything. then he came in a few days later. And then he just kept coming in." I smiled. It is about time Jessica found someone for herself. "That's great, Jessica! Why were you scared of telling me this?" She shrugged, unsure with herself. "Because of what you have been through and just everything that has been going on. I don't want to like make it seem like I am bragging about it or something." I shook my head. "Jessica, I am not hurt. I am happy for you. You need someone in your life. You don't need to worry about my drama and everything that's been going on. You deserve to be happy." 

Jessica's face brightened up. "Thank god! I was just worried about you would feel about it." I just smiled. But then a thought came to my head. "When am I meeting this guy?! I have to know the guy that stole your heart." Her cheeks became red. I know she is a bit embarrassed for me to meet this guy. "I don't know. We need a little bit more time before you can meet him. But I promise that you will eventually meet him!" I like that she was smiling. It made me happy to see her smile. I don't think I have really seen her smile this much and about a guy. I can't remember the last time she dated. It's about time for her to start dating either way and to be happy. She deserves it with all the things she does just for the both of us. It's a lot. I want her to be happy. 

We spent the rest of dinner talking about this guy Jessica has been seeing and getting to know more about this guy. Jessica just had that smile on her face. She reminded me of myself a bit, having that smile because of a guy. Me being happy to be with Alexander. Thinking of it now though, it makes me think how happy I used to be. I hope this will last for Jessica. I don't want her to end up where I am now. She is a very nice person and she is so kind. I just don't want her to end up getting hurt or anything. She deserves all the happiness she can get. And if this guy is making her happy now, I hope he can make her happy later on in the future as well. I may have some high hopes with this guy but I can always hope. After Jessica and I finished dinner, she headed to bed and I cleaned up a bit, not wanting Jessica to clean up and have some rest. It wasn't too much either way since it is just the two of us. It was relaxing cleaning too. No thought on anything, just the cleaning. Becoming an adult, you do enjoy cleaning a bit.