3 AM Heartbreak

The deafening silence.

There is a deafening silence in my mind
I can feel every bit of pain
But somehow it goes away the second it comes riveting through my body.

Sometimes it's nice to not feel so much anymore
Other times I feel inhuman.
Suddenly your smile that I loved so much
Now means nothing.
The sound of your beating heart was all I could think about at night
And now all I can think about is how lucky you are to have forgotten about me.

You've burned every memory
Because I am oil
A malicious black soul now haunts the vessel I call my body.
The only thing oil is good for is to be burned.
I've been burned plenty of times.
So much that I'm nothing now.
I'm not even oil anymore, I'm a hollow vessel wasting my time with boys more than willing to sell me their souls for my love.

But they're not overflowing with life like you.
If anything they're just as dead inside as I am.
The moment I show them how empty I actually am
They disappear in thin air.
And I'm reminded of the deafening silence in my mind.

The one that rivets through my body every second to bring every ounce of pain to me.
But all of my nerves have been burned off.
So I don't feel anything anymore.

I'm at a very messy part of my life right now. And I can't stop fucking up and hurting people no matter what I do. I'm sorry I'm so up and down with you, but you probably don't care anymore. I have no control and I'm trying really hard to pull through but I'm losing my grip on everything. I wish for nothing more than to admire the life that shines through your milky white complexion.