Tobias's POV
She dreams of holding him, envisioning the dark blue eyes she believed he'd have. She cries when she thinks about what we would've named him; Noah Leviticus Eaton. She spends her days sitting and staring in the nursery we painted and planned for him.
Baby what are we becoming, It feels just like we're always running, Rolling through the motions everyday, I could lean in to hold you, or act like I don't even know you...
Seven months ago today was supposed to be the best day of our lives, the day we became parents. The day when it all changed, and to have someone besides each other to love and watch over. Not the worst day of our lives, not the day we got to see him but had to feel the pain of knowing that he wasn't coming home with us. Not in our arms anyway.
Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby, Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy, Do I have your love, am I still enough, Tell me don't I, or tell me do I, baby...
The pain overwhelmed us both, tears shed by us together. Losing a son... losing a child at all is an unimaginable pain that you can't understand until it happens to you. I had looked forward to being able to teach him all the things my father never taught me, I looked forward to having a son to spend each and every day with. Tris was looking forward to being a mother; and brilliant beautiful mother.
The day he came out of her, blue and no noise escaping him... was not only the day we lost him. But also the day that I lost Tris. It was almost as if her soul left her, empty and not the same.
She barely speaks to me anymore, and there are days when I look at her and I can't even tell if her love for me is still there. We are still healing, we are still suffering. But we should be doing those together, getting through the pain together.
Remember when we didn't have nothing, But a perfect simple kind of loving...
"Will you talk to me?" I ask, walking into Noah's nursery. She's curled up in the wooden rocking chair like usual. The quilt she had knitted for him, spread across his lap.
"What's there to talk about?" She mumbles, her voice cold and chills me.
"The fact that this is the first time you've spoken to me in a little over a week." I say, and those words cause her to turn her head to look at me. Finally being able to see my wife's face, instead of her back.
She stares at me, with her bloodshot eyes, unsure of what to say back. Is there anything?
I walk closer to her, kneeling beside her; and the greatest thing is that her eyes follow mine- never breaking gaze.
"I miss you." I whisper, and Tris chews on her bottom lip.
"I've already went through one loss, I can't keep going through this second one."
"Tobias, I'm here. I haven't left yo--" I cut her off.
"But you have. You are hurting, you are crying yourself to sleep every night. I see it, I hear your sobs at eleven at night. The pain and the loss destroying you." I tell her, taking her cold hand in my own.
"How are you put together?" Tris asks me, her voice seemingly familiar. Warmness added back in.
I shake my head, a light laugh escaping my lips. "I'm not. I'm still torn apart at the seems, I'm only barely glued together... for you."
A breath comes from my wife's lips, and tears glimmer in her eyes. But these tears, as identical as the last set are different. They are not from hurt and sadness, but from love. I can see it, I can feel it.
"Why?" She whispers, her thumb running over my thin silver band.
"Because you're my wife. You're my love. If we lose, we lose together. If we fall, we fall and get back up together." I tell her, and she smiles a little at the words I'm saying. And in what feels like years, that smile is back on her lips.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I--that I wasn't there." Tris apologize, wiping a tear off her cheek before it has the chance to stain her skin.
I nod, "I want you to be able to cry in front of me. To cry in my arms, to feel pain even when I'm around. I don't' want you hiding, I'm here no matter what for you." I tell her and she leans close to me.
Her lips finally locking with mine, and it all stops. All the pain, the distance and the tears in the last few months all disappearing. The feel of her lips on mine is all I need, and all that I could want. Her love filing any empty space within me.
"I love you." Tris whispers to me, for the first time in six months.
"I love you too." I say back to her, thinking it for the hundredth time this week... but saying it for the first time in a long time.
Tell me baby do I get one more try, Do I, baby do I...
A/N: Hey all! :/ how was this?? Not great... idk. Heard the song and wanted to try to write a one shot for it.
