dear jiyun » jhs

/24/

160707

dear jiyun,

it's been quite a while now
that I haven't been
happy

or particularly excited
to be alive,

once in a blue moon

as you'd say.

but today is an
exception,

I can feel energy flowing
inside my body

like electricity running
through my blood,

shaking up
my vessels
and turning my cheeks
burning red.

I will no longer be lonely

in the dark during late night
being afraid of
how I can sink inside it
any moment.

you know I can't sleep alone,

consumed by the stinging fear,
terrified of it,
the frightening darkness.

taehyung suggested that I
should move in with him

and find company
as we're both in empty houses,

even though his heart isn't,
like mine.

your scent echoes in the walls

in my head

and it makes the knife
dig deeper inside
my chest

opening up the wound
each day that
goes by.

I brought my stuff today
and put them on
the shelves
as if it was my home

and folded my clothes inside
the closet
leaving no more space,

we drank coffee on the
couch and
played video games
till the noon

after going shopping for the week
and driving the highway
for ice cream.

a long time, that
I hadn't enjoyed this,
the warm friendship
he'd always offer
but
I'd always reject
even
without realizing,

I finally saw what I've been
missing out,

letting weeks go,
empty, wasted,

mourning your loss.

it's late at night
and his boyfriend just left

we ordered pizza and
started new games.

taehyung looks happier
than ever
to be with someone

I see in his eyes
he values this person,
loves and admires
his way of
being

even silently,
just by looking at
him doing
the most ordinary
simple things.

and it's beautiful to see
this subtle fondness between two
people

how it shows through,
with exchanged
looks
and benevolent teasing

“quit it jungkook”
was his every other word

but behind the annoyance
and innocent scolding

you could see they belonged
to each other

and while watching
how visible it was
in the sparkle in their eyes
when sneaking
peeks

how their hearts were beating
for each other

and the heartbeats
synchronized

I asked myself

if this is what love is like

were we ever anything
like this?

I will see you again,

hoseok