dear jiyun » jhs

/26/

160705

dear jiyun,

I hope your day
has been okay

and that you're doing
alright.

I'm not sure if
you read these

or I'm just wasting my time·

you are used to tossing
my love
in the trashcan.

I've been thinking about it
and wondering
if I'm in fact trapped in a
vicious circle

insisting,

hoping you won't
throw my letters away

like then

like you did with
my apologies

and efforts to make it up

I wish I knew what
I was supposed to do

to meet your mercy

to make you stop hating me

to turn the anger
building in the pit of your stomach
into forgiveness
and understanding.

I have not been the
easiest person
to be close tο

I acknowledge that

but I needed you
in order to become something
else

something better

something more

to please you
and make you stay

but you looked categorical
and determined

made your decision,

and the words echoed
in my head
as soon as they left
your mouth–

I execrate the moment

I met you

and you slammed the door
with strength
that'd easily crumble the building
down

like it did
to my heart.

the mouth I used
to kiss,
remedy that took
the suffering away

its taste would cure
the sickness

caused more
than I could imagine.

I understand,
I know,

but I asked for time
and you didn't
give it

for compassion
but you run out of it

I was scared, you left

why

to this day I don't know
the answer.

broken promises along with
pieces of ourselves

guilt and regrets

on top of the pain.

it was hard,
but not unbearable

frustrating,
but not hopeless

and my mind tried to excuse
and rethink
and analyze

yet only one question
wanders my mind

why

why are you everywhere
when you're nowhere
to be seen

why didn't you wait
for me to change

why did you disappear
leaving a heavy soul
behind

jiyun, why?

I will see you again,

hoseok