TRITTANY: Finally Noticed

Holding Me Back

BRITTANY

The day I met Trevor Tordjman was the day that my life changed. Not necessarily because of him. Sure my life was different with him in it, just the same as it was because of all of the other people I met on the same day. Everyone we meet changes our life, even if it is just microscopically. Trevor Tordjman however, was part of a hugely life changing experience of mine, along with a large group of people of my age and passion who I could now accurately call my family.

2011: the year of my seventeenth birthday, was the same year that my new life was born. In the early months of this year, which by now I failed to remember precisely, I attended an audition for a children's TV show, at recommendation of my dance teacher. At the time I was nothing more than a pipsqueak upon first meeting. I was small and awkward and uncomfortable in myself, pretty much an accurate description to how I was as a child. For some reason, insecurities about the fact that I didn't ever look like other girls my age and that I was always smaller than everyone else seemed to increase dramatically at the audition. Especially because all these other people and I shared the same talent. There was only so much diversity one could have in this situation - myself less so than the average confident. Every time I relived the moment that I walked into the audition room, I got the same rushing in the pit of my stomach. All of those girls with their long perfectly straightened or curled locks and tall figures. All I had to do was watch them stretch and already I felt out of my depth. If it had not been for my mom and my older sister, I would not have even come to this audition today. Ever since my dance teacher had mentioned the audition I had been sulking and whining about how I didn't want to go, without much success. My mom somehow got me to show up.

These days I couldn't thank her enough for doing so.

So I got the job on the TV show. I often still couldn't believe it, five years down the line. After the pilot episode was pitched to Family Channel and the show was picked up for a whole season, I grew to love the character that I was playing. Similar to myself, Riley was a shy, initially quiet character with not a spiteful bone in her body. A little more serious and uptight than myself but definitely someone who I could relate to. Like me, Riley had a sister who was marginally older than she was. Emily, a little more so than my own sister: Sam, made it her mission to look after Riley but sometimes didn't go about it the right way. I really enjoyed all of the ups and downs that the sisters' had in their relationship in the first season - especially when the support from Emily disappeared and came from another character altogether...

It had been briefly teased in the first episode that James and Riley could've become a thing. Riley was very opposed to the idea of James being anything to her at all when she was accused of blushing as he performed his dance solo. I remember the suspicion I felt as myself when I sat in the Talking Heads chair facing a camera, speaking Riley's naive words:

"James flirts with all the girls, and all the girls love it - and I'm not falling for it."

Sometimes I thought how fun it would be to have Season 1 Riley meet Season 4 Riley and see how shocked she would be to hear how big of a factor James was in her life. To hear that she in fact did fall for James, perhaps as much as she promised not to. In every consecutive first season episode, James and Riley's relationship progressed. The first time they had any personal exchange was when Riley wanted some advice. Then it went to James defending Riley as she finally stood her ground and it wasn't received well by her sister. After that they danced a duet together they began to hang out more until eventually Riley approached James with a plan to dethrone her sister as dance captain. I remember starting to notice the characters becoming closer in every episode and almost mentally preparing myself for the fact that these two were eventually going to get together, especially in the episode where Riley offered to go on a date with James should he pass his math exam.