TRITTANY: Finally Noticed

Wasn't Easy To Do

BRITTANY

It was one of those days that you almost dread to wake up for.

The next few weeks following the filming of the date scene flew by way too fast for my liking and yet had they gone any slower I would've complained that the nerves were too much and time was moving too slowly. One thing which stuck with me throughout the three weeks was the memory of how Trevor had hugged me after the scene we shot. The way it had seemed so desperate and so final and so isolated to just the two of us together, despite how inaccurate that was. I recalled it a lot. I'd be scrolling through my phone in bed or stuck in traffic or folding more clothes into my suitcase or waiting for the kettle to boil - and I'd just stop for a moment, stare into the distance and relive that hug. At this point I didn't think it was something I could ever forget.

I woke up almost the exact moment the first screech of my alarm sounded and rolled over, hitting it off. I stretched out, yawning a little and lay still for a moment, staring at the ceiling. My room was still in darkness and I assumed that meant outside was just the same. The clock read five am, the time it always did when I woke on a weekday. However today wasn't just another weekday of work. Today was the last weekday of work of the season, and in my case, maybe ever.

From the moment I forced myself out of bed I felt this seedy sickness and queasiness in my stomach. It prevented me from wanting to eat anything, which to be honest I didn't usually do until I got to set anyway, but I felt whatever I ate would be a struggle to keep down. I knew that it was completely natural to feel nervous. Tomorrow I was taking the biggest step I ever had in my entire life. However tomorrow seemed a completely separate mountain to climb when today was still ahead of me.

I had mixed feelings on going to work. Of course I knew I had to: working on TV wasn't the kind of job you could casually call in sick to. What was more was that I wanted to go too. I always looked forward to filming the show and seeing what the day brought. Today was also my last chance to soak up every experience the last five years had given me before I was on a plane shooting halfway across the world. Every part of me was saying that today it was a necessity for me to go to set, yet there was still this feeling of dread. Today was the last day and that was bound to bring some emotions out of hiding for everyone. As selfish as this may sound, I was a huge part of the TNS team, and always had been - I was almost positive me leaving would upset a few cast mates. At least even a little bit.

After I had stepped out of the shower and brushed my teeth, completely ignoring all of the makeup products scattered around the bathroom, I changed into casual clothes.

Reason Why I Loved Working on The Next Step Number 1:
I could show up to work wearing sweatpants, sneakers, a pyjama jumper and no makeup and be camera ready within the hour

Once I was dressed and had my cute little Gucci backpack filled with the things I took to set every day, I made myself coffee for the drive to where we were filming. I was a little saddened that my last day on set was not taking place on the actual TNS set but instead one of Toronto's theatres because we were filming Regionals. My inner-goofball drama queen had imagined myself stood under the chandelier with all of the lights dimmed around me on the set whilst I looked around the room which had been home for the past five years. It would've been just like all of the goodbye scenes shot on the show for the characters: with dramatic, sentimental music playing as they walked around an empty Studio A with tears in their eyes.

That was the thing about filming a fictional TV show - sometimes it became hard to distinguish the reality from the script. It had never once occurred to me as I had childishly imagined that 'goodbye' moment that things like that didn't happen in real life. Without the background music playing and the cameras picking up the correct angle, all it would be was me standing in an empty room that I would no longer be able to spend time in. Either way - the moment I had fantasised wouldn't come true - because we weren't filming at that location.