It Ain't The Speakers |-/ JOSHLER

4.3: sø øften

👻 JØSH'S PØV 💭

One thing I've never really told anyone? That's easy, there was only one thing I could think of.

The hard part was, how do I put it?

I took a deep breath.

"For years, people have told me I've been imagining things. Voices they couldn't hear, places that didn't exist, people who aren't there. My father was telling the psychiatrist that something was wrong. But really, nothing is."

"Do they know what's going on?"

"They think they do, but they don't understand. They think I hallucinate. But the thing I've never told them is, these things are real."

Tyler looked concerned. "I can't confidently say that I understand better than them, but I don't think you are hallucinating."

"I can't confidently say that I understand either, so I wouldn't expect you to, I suppose."

"...do you mind telling me more then?"

I sighed. "One day, I will."

"Just promise me you're fine?"

I looked into his eyes and saw that he really meant it. I nodded. People who really mean what they say aren't easy to come by anymore.

"One day, then" he smiled a little and I did too.

It's funny how I ended up telling all this to someone I've only met for two days, yet I couldn't exactly tell my parents.

How long would I get to hang with Tyler? He'd still want to see me afterwards, right? After this round of the competition two weeks later, would we just... Separate? The thought of having to leave him just made me feel queasy.

I wanted to keep him.

Two days, yet I felt like I had known him for years already. Was I really just so-called "imagining" things again?

I thought about this a lot.

...what if Tyler wasn't real?

"I've been like this so long, I don't know if I know what's a real and what's just my imagination anymore."

I heard my voice crack at the end of that sentence. My vision went a little blurry. Don't cry, Josh, don't cry.

"But I suppose it doesn't matter if it's real or not... As long as it's real to you?"

The weight in my chest suddenly lifted, and I could breathe again.

I hugged him.

-----

"Though I really prefer lively songs, I was thinking a slow and calming one would be what we need most right now..."

"Same. Slow and calming, but I really reaaally think you should rap."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. "Calm rapping... Interesting... But why?"

"Because you're amazing?"

He flushed. "Umm..."

"So you'll do it?"

"Only if you get to do a nice drum solo in the middle of the song."

"Deal. But still, mostly rapping."

"Fine, rapping is easier than singing anyway."

"It is?!"

"Sometimes when you have too much things to put across, rapping helps put all your thoughts into a song without sounding long-winded."