Dolan Twins Imagines

Imagine #29: Miscarriage with Ethan

You and Ethan had always wanted kids. You started trying for a baby two years ago, each time failing to conceive. You went to the doctor to see what was wrong.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dolan?" The doctor said as she walked into your hospital room.

You were sitting on the bed in the hospital gown and Ethan was sitting on the chair next to you. He grabbed your hand and you squeezed it tight.

"Were you able to figure anything out?" Ethan asked nervously. 

"Yes, we were. Mrs. Dolan, have you been having irregular periods lately? Maybe feeling more hormonal than usual?" She asked.

Ethan looked at you nervously and your heart rate sped up. You squeezed Ethan's hand tighter.

"Um, yes, I have. I didn't really think anything of it. What's wrong?" You asked quietly.

"Mrs. Dolan, it seems you have primary ovarian insufficiency, otherwise known as early menopause. This means your ovaries shut down earlier than normal and menstruation typically ends before 40. Unfortunately, this is a cause of infertility."

Your mind went blank. The doctor kept talking but you weren't listening. This was all your fault. You're the reason you and Ethan haven't been successful. You could see Ethan out of the corner of your eye. He was looking at the doctor, nodding slowly to what she was saying. His eyes were teary and he was biting his lips, a nervous tic of his. He looked over at you with a reassuring smile. You couldn't bare to look at him. Ethan had always wanted to be a father and you're the reason why he won't be. 

"Most women with primary ovarian insufficiency aren't able to have children after the age of 30. Since you're still in your 20s, there is a chance that you could conceive," the doctor started. 

You could see Ethan look at you with a hopeful smile but you wanted to continue listening to the doctor.

"However the likely hood of that happening is very low. If you do conceive, you are at higher risk of pregnancy complications. I brought over a pamphlet on pregnancy with primary ovarian insufficiency if you're interested. I'll let you guys talk," and with that she left the room. 

Ethan got up from the chair and knelt in front of you. He moved around until he caught your gaze. He noticed you crying and immediately wiped her tears. 

"Hey, don't cry. Did you hear what she said? There's a chance! If we try hard enough, we could have baby!" He said, trying to reassure you.

"See, thats the thing, Ethan. Could. We "could" try, we "could" get pregnant, we "could" have complications, it's just too much! This is all my fault. This is all my fucking fault," you cried, choking on the last words. 

"This isn't your fault, babe," he said hugging you tight. "Life's a bitch sometimes."

You laughed and wiped your tears. "I guess we could keep trying," you said slowly.

Ethan smiled from ear to ear. "See! That's the y/n I know! If we don't get pregnant, then we don't get pregnant. If we do, then we do. Let's just see what happens. Okay?"

"Okay"

You and Ethan decided to keep trying for a baby: a child was all you ever wanted in life. 

Then your dream came true. After years of unsuccessfully trying for a baby, the pregnancy test finally came back positive. You and Ethan were overjoyed that you would be parents. You and Ethan had been preparing for the baby ever since the test came back positive. You've picked out names, you've bought toys, diapers, strollers, you had even started working on the nursery. You and Ethan couldn't wait for your child to finally arrive. 

Five months into the pregnancy, you booked an appointment to find out the gender of the baby. Neither of you cared what the gender was, you were both prepared to love it more than anything you've loved before. But, you wanted to know the gender so you could start buying gender specific things. 

"You excited?" Ethan asked with a smile on his face.

You nodded not having the words to describe how excited you were. You were on the bed in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to come back for the ultrasound. Your stomach was poking out of your shirt. Ethan was sitting beside you, holding your hand. 

"Alright," the doctor said walking into the room, "how are you guys doing today? Excited?"

"Overjoyed," said Ethan with smile. He looked at you and his smile grew bigger.

"I'm just going to put this gel on your stomach, Mrs. Dolan, and then we can have a look."

The doctor squeezed the cold gel on your stomach and rolled the stick around your belly. You could make out your baby's head on the screen and you squeezed Ethan's hand tighter. 

"There he is!" said the doctor. 

You and Ethan looked at each other instantly. 

"A baby boy," Ethan said, tears forming in his eyes.

You had already started crying, you couldn't believe you were having a baby!

"Wait a second, something's not right," the doctor said quietly.

"What do you mean something's not right?" you asked nervously. 

"Mrs. Dolan, I'm going to have to go run a few tests. I'll be back in a few minutes," the doctor said while getting up from her chair. 

 "What's wrong with my baby?" you said louder this time, wanting an answer before she left the room. 

"Sh, y/n, calm down," Ethan said quietly.

"No, I will not calm down!" You yelled at Ethan."Tell me what's wrong with my son!"

"Mrs. Dolan, I'll be right back with the answer. Please, try to rest while I'm gone."

The doctor left the room, leaving you and Ethan alone. "Eth-" you started, tears forming in your eyes.

Ethan hugged you tight, patting down your hair. After ten long minutes of waiting in silence, the doctor came back with a remorseful look on her face.

"Mr. and Mrs. Dolan, I'm so sorry, but we weren't able to find a heartbeat. You lost the baby," she said quietly and then left the room giving you and Ethan some privacy.

You started crying. You couldn't contain your emotions. This was all your fault. If you didn't have that stupid insufficiency, you wouldn't have lost the baby. You had gone through so much pain the past few years and after finally having hope, you lost it all, causing more pain than ever before. Ethan was quiet, he didn't say a word. He just stared at the wall, tears forming in his eyes but not letting them fall. The ride home was quiet. You couldn't stop crying and Ethan still hadn't said a word. When you got home you went straight to bed. When you walked past the nursery you couldn't bare look inside. You heard Ethan enter the house a few minutes after you. You heard him walk upstairs and down the hall but the footsteps stopped before they reached your bedroom. There was only one other room he could have entered: the nursery. All of a sudden you heard screaming and crashes coming from the nursery. You quickly got up out of bed and ran to the nursery. Ethan was sitting on the floor, crying harder than you've ever seen anyone cry before. He was surrounded by the broken pieces of the crib you had bought and assembled days prior. You quietly entered the room and sat next to Ethan. You rested your hand on his shoulder and he immediately wrapped his arms around your body, sobbing into your chest.

"I'm so sorry, Ethan," you said, tears forming in your eyes, "I'm so sorry."