Dolan Twins Imagines

Imagine #25: Self Harm- Ethan

*trigger warning-sensitive content*

You and Ethan had been dating for over a year. You hadn't told him about your self harm. You've tried to stop so many times but you just couldn't. It started two years ago. You were going through a hard time due to the end of bad relationship, your grades in school were dropping, and you were having troubles at home. You had depression and your way to cope was cutting your self. It would shift your mind from the pain of your life to the pain on your arm. Your arm was now littered with scars, from your wrist to your elbow. You would never wear t-shirts or tank tops, ever. You had tried to cover them with foundation but it never worked. Ethan never seemed to notice that you always wore a long sleeve shirt or a jacket. And because of that, he never found out about your scars.

One day you had a bad day at school. You failed the Math test you studied so hard for, you had a presentation in English and forgot half your points, you spilled your water all over your white shirt, making it see through, and on top of all that, your ex decided it would be a good day to try and embarrass you in front of the whole school by 'accidentally' spilling his lunch on you in the cafeteria and then blamed it on you. Your urge to cut was unbearable. On your way home you noticed you had five texts and two voicemails from Ethan. You didn't check them. All you wanted to do was get home, get your blade, and cut your wrists. When you made it home, your mom was on her way out.

"Oh, hey sweetie! How was school?" she asked.

"It was okay," you said not wanting to talk about it.

"Okay, well, I have a dentist appointment. I'll be back with dinner around 6. Sound good?"

"Yep! Bye," you said. She got into her car and you walked inside.

You dropped your bag at the front door, kicked your shoes off, and ran upstairs. You walked into your bathroom and opened your drawer. You pulled out the tissue paper that you wrapped your blade around. You looked in the mirror and felt disgusted. You felt pathetic, and weak. How could you be so dumb to fail a math test? How could you be so stupid to forget your presentation? How could you be so lame to spill your own water? How could you be so pathetic to ever trust that dick of a boyfriend you used to love so much? Your eyes were now bloodshot and flooded with tears. You leaned over the sink and placed the blade along your wrist. You pressed down, waiting for the pain to hit. You felt a sting and saw blood as you slid the blade across one of your old scars. You went again when your phone started ringing. It was Ethan. You started crying harder. How could you do this to him? He has no idea he's dating a psycho. You felt so bad for dragging him into this and he didn't even know. You started cutting more and more until your phone stopped ringing. Then your phone went off again, but this time it was a text from Ethan. You decided not to read it. Your sobs were getting louder and before you could realize, your wrist and the sink were covered in blood. You were about to slice again when you heard a voice down the hall.

"Y/n?"

You turned to see Ethan at the door, staring at the damage you've done. There was pain behind his eyes.

"Oh my god, y/n!" He immediately ran to your side, taking the blade from your hand. "What are you doing?!" He asked. His voice was filled with anger and sadness.

All you could do was cry. You didn't know what to say. You never wanted him to know and you never thought he would know. He grabbed a towel and squeezed it around your wrist. Tears were forming in his eyes.

"Why would you do this?" he asked, his voice weak. He finally looked into your eyes and you could feel his pain.

"I don't know. It helps me deal with the pain," you said weakly.

Ethan hugged you and patted down your hair. "I love you so much and I don't ever want to lose you, ever! Do you hear me? I don't know what I'd do without you. You're so perfect, inside and out. And this," he said motioning to the sink, "this is not how anyone should live."

You cried harder and Ethan gave you another hug.

"I'm going to help you through this," he said. "Whatever it is you're going through, I'll be there by your side, helping you every second of everyday," he said, with the tears now gushing down his face.

"I'm so sorry, Ethan. I didn't mean to put you through this," you said. His face softened into an apologetic expression.

"Y/n, you have nothing to be sorry about. You didn't put me through anything. You're the one going through something. Don't you ever think that you hurt me, ever. Okay?"

You nodded and he kissed your forehead.

"How long has this been going on for?" he asked now examining your arm. He traced the old scars, and observed every one.

"Two years," you said.

He looked up, shocked. "You've been doing this the whole time? Even before we started dating? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

You shrugged. "I couldn't. It's something I'm ashamed of and I thought you wouldn't want to be with me anymore if I told you," you said truthfully.

He cupped your face and looked deep into your eyes. "Promise me you won't ever do this again? Please?"

You closed your eyes and let tear fall down. You nodded and opened your eyes to see Ethan with a faint smile on his face.

"I want to hear you say it," he said.

"I promise," you said as he sighed a sigh of relief.

"I love you, y/n. Don't you ever forget that."

"I love you too, Ethan."