Thursday 6/9/10
Today was a drag. As usual. Sure, school's out now. Sure, it was my senior year. But why get all worked up about that? Aunt Lupe sending me to a good school, let alone paying for a good school, is impossible. I tried talking with Uncle Raul, but he doesn't have the nerve to question Aunt Lupa. But at least now that school's out, I can spend more time with Cruz. Today we went to Pine Park. As always. Cruz did that cheesey thing like they do in the movies where they carve their names in a tree. It was strangely sweet.
Friday 6/10/10
I didn't see Cruz today. He had to go to the doctor. But he texted me the entire time he was in the waiting room. I wanted so bad just to see his hypnotic brown eyes. But instead, I spent the day doing laundry and other chores around the house. Inez was supposed to help me but she was busy filling out college applications. I tried to avoid her, to save myself of that envy.
I had been reading these journal entries for hours- today. Yesterday, when I found my name in here, Kasper and Eleazar decided it was best that I spend some time to read it and think it all over. Well, Kasper thought it was a good idea. Eleazar was infected with curiosity. But he was wiling to leave me alone to read the journal. I had read for hours until I finally gave in to sleep. As soon as I woke up, I began reading again. I had to know anything and everything I could about my past.
This Cruz was showing up more and more in here. I was trying to ignore the obvious. I was trying to ignore how strongly I felt for Cruz. I didn't know why. It was just something in the back of my mind. Like a tugging. A thought that just couldn't be ignored. It was teeling me that if I read any further, or if I let Cruz wrap around me like he did before, it would cause sheer disaster.
Saturday 6/11/10
Today's Saturday, and you know what that means. Aunt Lupa's home. All day. Yipee. She kept me busy all day with unbelievable chores. I remembered when Mama used to read Cinderella to me and I would say, I wish I were Cinderella. I must have forgotten about the part where the evil stepsisters nearly worked her to death.
Sunday 6/12/10
I texted Cruz earlier today. He didn't answer. I tried to call him as well, but he didn't answer that time either. It was so rare that he didn't answer my calls. What was wrong? I wanted to go over to his house and see what was going on, but of course, Aunt Lupa kept me much too busy with chores. But tomorrow, she would be at work. I would go then.
Monday 6/13/10
I stayed up until 4 am last night until the exhaustion finally kicked in and defeated my worries. But as soon as Aunt Lupa's car pulled out of the driveway, I was dressed and out the door immediately. I had to know what was happening with Cruz. If I didn't, it would be eating me alive all day. As my loud, crappy car bolted (or whatever the equivalent to a bolt is on an old Yugo.) down the highway, my mind raced as it came up with all these predictions of what could be making Cruz act this way. I had heard girls at school say that if a boy acts this way, he's cheating. But Cruz isn't like that. He doesn't cheat. He's beyond that. Yet I shudder thinking of anything else.
It stopped there on that day. But as I was about to flip to the next page, I hesitated. Did I really want to know this? Chances are, bad news was coming. And that bad news definitely had the strength to break my heart then, and I was sure it would have the strength to break my heart even now. What could be worse than a heartbreak? Oh yeah. A repeated heartbreak.
Because I have enough self respect, I shoved the journal under my pillow. I automatically rose, and I realized that since I had come, I hadn't left the bed. I felt rather sore, but I had to find strength. Weak couldn't be a word to describe me.
"Rose?" I heard Eleazar say on the other side of the door. When he saw me out of bed, he looked wary. "Is everything okay?"
"Oh! Yes. I, I just wanted to get out of bed. That's all," I assured him. He looked calmer. I strode past him. As much as I appreciated Eleazar, I was slightly annoyed. Why did he always treat me like that? What am I, five?
When I saw the rest of the house, I marveled. It wasn't all that grand or castle- like. But that would have been too much. Instead, it resembled its surroundings. Leaves and pine hung from the ceiling, and a fluorescent variety of a hundred different exotic flowers. But what really captured my attention was the view. The walls were pure glass, so I could see the waterfalls, the canyons, the rivers, the flawless blue skies, and everything from miles away.
"You like it?" I heard a voice ask. I turned and saw a proud smirk on Kasper's face. "You built this house?" I asked in awe. He nodded. I beamed at the azure sky.
"I tried to find a place that could capture the beauty of life. Not only that, but a place where life and death wouldn't matter. All that mattered would be the joys that stood in between."
His words filled me with a new kind of joy. I suddenly saw this new life not as a confusion, nor as a burden. But instead, as a fresh new thing. I mean, reading that diary, it seemed as if my life before was pretty crappy. It wasn't that joyous life that Kasper had described. But this.... I now saw the possibilites of this. I could have a new life.
It was a such a beautiful thought that I almost forgot about Cruz.
