Because she made me believe (ZAYN MALIK)

PillowTalk-XII

Dedicated to Zayns_zaby because she is simply bae :* thank you for all the amazing comments on the last chapter....

***Sorry does not even make it for my untimely break and a lot of readers have told me that I will loose my readers if my updates aren't frequent ...life isn't easy believe me...but I love this book and I am truly grateful to every person who has read , voted and commented on this story...so if you are still here today reading this new update...thank you so much...***

*** Chapter contains themes of racism and islamophobia***

Vote and comment...I will see you tomorrow with the final chapter in pillowtalk series..

ZAYN'S POV

                  

Allana stifles a sob, her tears falling on my bare chest. I hug her tightly in response, refraining myself from watching the tears streaming down her cheeks. This has been an extremely long night both emotionally and mentally daunting, yet it is nowhere close to ending. I have just begun to unleash my inner demons in front of her, demons who I have been fighting with since I was 7 years old. Every single thought which has been tormenting me, emotions which have been buried deep within my heart, a secretive part of me which I have successfully hidden from everyone, all of it is going to be revealed. Ironically tonight reminds me of the night in Bradford when I had found Allana weeping beside her mother's grave. That night she had shared her fears , her pain with me, acquainting me with a part of herself she had avoided to share with others , tonight our positions had been reversed.

" The next day I went to school , deciding to confront Fredrick about his mean remarks but he beat me to it. Gathering a small crowd of students from my class he started hurling racial slurs at me , it took me a few minutes to gather my senses , finally able to incur that I was being bullied. Most of the students in the crowd barely knew the meaning of the words they were joyfully yelling at me and few others who realized that I was being subjected to verbal abuse failed to come to my aid. There I was standing in the middle of my class, shoulders slumped , head hung low , blinking away the moisture gathering in my eyes , unable to understand the reason behind Fredrick's abrasive behavior towards me. My classmates rendering support to his ruthless antics added to my turmoil. I was only 7 years old, what did I do to deserve such humiliation ?  That morning I had sprayed my father's perfume on my uniform for extra measure to ensure that nobody could tease me about smelling like curry then why were my supposed friends bullying me? I stood quietly not eliciting any response until he shouted at me , "Say something you son of a dirty bitch. Didn't your whore of a mother teach you to speak?"

My body reacted on it's own as soon as I heard him uttering foul words for my mother. Within seconds I had pushed him on the ground, punching him on the face , hitting him as hard as I could muster. Insulting me was bearable but abusing my family was intolerable for me. I managed a few good hits on him until my class teacher came and separated the two of us.I had beaten him black and blue, a thick gash on his left cheek , blood oozing from his nose. The teacher was furious at my behavior instantaneously naming me as the culprit without even asking me the reason for my violent behavior. I was ushered to the headmaster's office while Fredrick was sent to the nurse station to get this wounds tended. What about my wounds though? Couldn't anyone see the injury his vicious words had caused to my heart? Both of our parents were called, since mum was at home with a new-born Waliya , father had to leave work to visit the principal on account of urgency. He was shocked to hear that his timid son had got into a fist fight with a classmate. Fredrick's mother bawled her eyes out upon seeing her bruised son , glaring at me for beating him. She urged the principal to expel me from school as 'my kind' were not meant to be educated. She said that Muslims are violent because our religion propagates violence and I seem to be exhibiting exactly the same. The teacher who barely had information about the whole incident solemnly pointed fingers at me , dismissing any information about Fredrick's racist behavior towards me. The thing which shocked me the most was that his mother openly condemned me on the basis of my color and religion whereas the principal agreed with her. My father who had kept quiet the entire ordeal asked the principal to expel me , his words astounded me because I felt I had let him down but he surprised me when he wished a speedy recovery to the principal , my class teacher and Fredrick's mother. He said that mental illnesses are difficult to be cured but nonetheless he would pray for them. He said that he did not want his son to study in an institution where truth never mattered to anyone. He knew that I would never indulge into such violent behavior unnecessarily, unless there was a valid reason behind it , a reason which my school authorities were not interested in finding out. And that is how I was expelled from my first primary school."

I look down at Allana , only to find her gazing at me with tear stained cheeks. "It was wrong. Why didn't they sit down and obtain correct facts about the entire incident? It was unfair to expel you? Fredrick provoked you, your reaction was a response towards his actions."

Wryly smiling at her I say, "Baby girl we live in a world where truth is preached never practiced. Where we say all lives matter but honestly only a few do. On the outside everything appears to be sparkling white but on the inside it consists of darkness , grime and dirt. Unfortunately we live in a world where a person's right to live is determined by his skin color, where religion is used to foster hatred not peace , where a human is not treated as a human only because he does not hold a certain power or status or beauty. Looking back I feel they should've heard my side of the story before passing a judgment because unknowingly they divided two young boys into two different sections of the society. One boy who learnt to see the world in the right light , promising himself to never treat any person differently on any basis.He went onto becoming a renowned singer whereas the other saw the world as per his own narrow perspective , breeding on hatred , eventually sentenced to prison time of 20 years for burning down the house of a black family in west Bradford. If only that incident was dealt maturely I would have never grown up with this resentment and hurt in my heart and maybe Fredrick would have still been my friend."

Sighing heavily she nods her head as I continue , " My parents were not angry at me , they were more concerned about the impact of the entire occurrence on my gullible mind. They ingrained within me that it was unethical to judge any human being especially on the basis of race , creed and religion. Every individual has the right to live their way according to their choice and nobody has the right to take this away from them. However they made me promise that I would inform them when I faced such issues and not to try handle things alone. I did get grounded for a week for hitting Fredrick since they did not support physical violence. I was shifted to a new primary school , nearby my house. Managing Waliya and the household chores mom found it difficult to pay more attention to me but dad made up for her absence. Despite his attention and the support of my family I was unable to forget that fateful day. Being in front of a crowd made me feel anxious , a constant fear gripping me that within a few seconds everyone would start yelling or laughing at me. My anxiety became worse whenever a teacher would ask me to answer a question in front of the entire class . I would start shaking uncontrollably and stuttering. I would spend my entire time alone at school , avoiding to make friends and interacting with anyone. A month after joining the new school my class teacher advised my father to shift me to a place where I would be able to familiarize myself with the crowd or either homeschool me until I gain control over my anxiousness. I had even stopped drawing , a habit I resorted to in happiness and sadness. That is when Dad introduced me to music , he showed me his collection of cds , his favorite artists opening my eyes to a whole new world. I began finding solace in music spending hours listening to records of The Beatles and the sufi tunes of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. With passing time I resumed back to my routine self , sealing the dark memory in the depth of my heart. Although the scar itched from time to time I tried not to reminisce it much. Joining Lower Fields Primary , my third school I finally settled there as I met kids with the same mixed heritage as mine. Meeting Anthony was when I started realizing that I was not weird but special because I was blessed to be associated with two powerful cultures instead of one. Unless I took pride in being who I was and where I came from, people would continue to mock me .It was not about my color ,my religion or my social status. It was about who is Zayn Malik and what constituted me to be the person I was and the day I accepted that I found people around me accept me as well."

She presses a kiss on my chest , " You were such a brave child Bambi. You endured a lot at a young age and fought so hard. I am proud of you."

I pout my lips and she quickly places a kiss on them.

"You know what is the most important lesson I learnt from my experience?"

" What ?" She questions me back.

" I learnt that curry is a distinctive dish and very delicious to eat , similarly I am unique in my own self and maybe it's my special curry cologne that has got you addicted to me. That's why you keep inhaling my distinctive scent." I tell her cheekily making her break into a bright smile.

" You bet it is Malik and someday I am going to eat you as well." She says winking at me.

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