Because she made me believe (ZAYN MALIK)

Truth - I

Dedicated to architasinha2000

(Sorry for the delay sweetie xo)

Anybody Home ?

Zayn's POV

" How would you react when you wake up one morning and every single thing you ever wished for suddenly came true ?" I question Allana , sitting cross-legged on the bed with the duvet covering her body.

She scrunches her nose , momentarily speechless at my abrupt question. Still standing across the bed , I raise my eyebrows at her impatiently seeking a reply .

" I don't know." She says after a few minutes. " It's hypothetical , something like that doesn't happen to normal people. You can only dream about it that one day you wake up and your whole world , your entire life is exactly how you aspired it to be. But that does not happen babe unless you lay your hands on Aladdin's magic lamp and the genie grants you three wishes."

I laugh at her politically correct answer. She was right in a way , though I had an entirely different reply for the same question.

" It does happen to normal people baby . It happened to me , your brother , Harry , Louis and Liam. One minute we are young teenagers from middle class backgrounds with hope and dreams in our eyes and within a split second we are One Direction , a chart topping , record breaking British Boy Band." I say musing the unruly scruff on my face with my fingers.

She looks at me avidly and I continue my monologue , " When we were put together as a band for X-factor winning the show was our solemn aim. We were untrained artists but our dedication and yearning to win separated us from the other contestants. However our backbone was the unwavering support and love offered by the fans. I t was baffling to see people screaming and shouting our names when they would spot us or plead heavily for a mere picture together. It seemed like we were living different lives altogether . Simon was certain we would win and so were we. All I knew was the prize amount could be sufficient for Donya's tuition fee payment. That was my sole purpose for participating in the show. Unfortunately the final results for the show indicated we stood at the third position , all I clearly understood was that we had lost. It was over for me , I had to go back to Bradford and figure out a different way of making it big."

Heaving a heavy sigh I sit at the edge of the bed , taking my eyes off Allana and grabbing a handful of duvet in my hand. " Simon was aware of our popularity , we were naïve about it but he was extremely sharp in offering us a deal which would let him control us and make him create the optimal money churning machine for his record company. For us the prospect of getting an opportunity to be a part of the music industry blinded us from ignoring its requirements. Without thinking twice we happily signed a five year contract unknowingly selling our freedom , sanity and the ability to make a choice for ourselves. "

There is an eerie silence in the air and I can hear Allana breathing heavily , my grip on the duet tightens and a pang of pain erupts in my chest again.

" Can you elaborate on the requirements of the industry ? Selling your freedom and sanity ? Zayn it's scaring me." She speaks in a choked voice and its evident tears are pooling in her eyes again. The dreaded part of my story is ready for its big reveal and I can't afford to stop now. It is going to wrench her heart but when has the truth ever been comforting ?

" Ever heard the story of King Midas Allana ? He had the gift of turning anything he touched into gold. People envied the king for his unparalleled power. What seemed like a generous blessing to the others was an unbreakable curse for the king which eventually led to his doom. I am that king Allana , I have everything a person seeks for money , fame ,handsomeness , luxuries and success .Sadly none of these matter to me. I am devoid of what I need and replenished with what is unrequired by me. Signing a contract worth a million dollars gave me the money I had been yearning all my life for. Like I said I believed money bought happiness , I mocked my father for not being rich so when I became rich , why am I still unhappy ?"

A muffled sob is her answer , as I start pulling out the threads of plush cotton duvet.

"From the way you talk to the way you walk ,to the clothes you wear and the manner in which you style your hair ,

the numerous days of touring and the countless lectures for public grooming ,

the incessant scrutiny and the decreasing time with family.

Speak only when spoken to , destroy any opinion which lets you be true ,

act passive in the name of creativity , sell merchandise actively and look 24/7 pretty.

Day by day live under the fear of being unable to recognize the reflection in my mirror.

What I thought is a blessing is my biggest curse , an increasingly growing wound which I am unable to nurse.

I don't want the power , nor the luxury , all I want is to live simply and just be me."

She hugs me tightly her hands wounding around my middle .Tucking her head on my shoulder she places a kiss on it , " Only you and only you can describe your pain in a poem. You are enthralling baby , your talent stupefies me."

My Focus is still on the duet as I tug harder at the threads , clenching my jaw to stop the tears from escaping my eyes. "Bit by bit they take away a part of you , until you find that nothing is left. I am grateful for the blessing I received from my career but I am exhausted now , I feel suffocated and each day makes me feel less of the person I am. Music is my medium of solace but the kind of work I am being compelled to do as a part of One Direction , it's not my style of music. It is becoming difficult for me to relate myself with my biggest passion and this thought haunts me every day. I am an artist not a poster boy. I want my art to describe me unlike the vague description the management has created about me. It is not about the money anymore , it's about my happiness which the millions in my bank account are not able to buy. I am scared to look at the mirror Allana because I fail to recognize the man in the mirror, he is broken, lost and dare I say unfixable. I don't want to be that Allana I just want to be that little boy from Bradford and nothing more."

"What do you want to do now Zayn ? Is there a way you can escape this golden cage you are trapped in?" She asks me inquisitively , her soft breath prickling my skin.

My body goes rigid at her question , the answer is on the tip of my tongue but the words find it laborious to roll off. I have been pondering about this topic for over a year now especially after the health issues I have faced due to the strenuous amount of work. Goosebumps rise on my skin , I shudder , finally I will be able to converse with someone about my deepest wish and hopefully she will not judge me for wanting this.

Gulping heavily I utter the dreaded yet the essential statement , " I want to leave the band. I don't want to be a part of One Direction anymore."

Author's note :

*** Braces herself for egss , tomatoes and any thing else you wanna throw at me . The nerve I have to return back from the stone age and give THIS ending to the chapter..... but believe me I have 15 chapters set to wrap this up and it will be worth it and if you are mad at me for the delay ( thats if you are still reading it ) I just wanna say I missed you . Xo