When I'm Gone ( Nate Maloley AU)

Aftertaste: Chapter Fourteen

Hayden's POV:

We went home right after the appointment and Nate has me on his lap, as he plays with my hair. Jack and Madison left to go somewhere so we have the house to ourselves and all I want to do is sleep.Nate plays his video games while I lay my head on his shoulder.

Once he dies on the game, he shuts off the tv. I look at him when he looks down. All he does is smile at me, making me blush, and uncomfortable.

"What?" I ask, "Why are you starting?"

He laughs lightly.

"Because you're beautiful."

"Oh my god, Nate, you're so cheesy."

He laughs and leans me back so he can kiss me. I tangle my fingers in his hair, as he holds my waist. I laugh when he starts kissing my neck.

"Yo! Nate, Hayden!"

We jump and look up at Jack, and Sam. I blush, trying to push him off.

"Is that a hickey?"

I cover my neck and glare at Nate. He just laughs. Cameron, and Nash, sit on the couch.

"I'm gonna kill you, Maloley."

He just picks me off the couch. I look at him. He carries me to my room and shuts the door, locking it in the process. I'm thrown down on my mattress and Nate leans above me. I shove him away.

"Let's practice you walking."

I nod and wait for him to come over. Nate holds my arms and helps me stand. I feel my legs shake from beneath me. I look up at him, and he nods. Nate lets go of me, and I wobble slightly, before I can stand without his help.

"Walk to me," he says softly.

I take one step, clearly fine, and continue, until I feel my weight knock off my balance, and Nate catches me.

"You can do it, I believe you can," he smiles.

I look away from him. I'm scared they're wrong. He walks me back to my bed, and I sit down. Nate kneels between my legs.

"You'll get it, and I'll be with you the whole time."

I nod and shut my eyes. He wipes my tears away. I smile. I look down at him. Nate kisses me again, and he stands, moving me further back on my bed. He pulls me as close as he can. I hear the door unlock, but I could care less right now.

"Oh shit!" Nash yells.

I pull away and look at Nate.

"Nash what the hell!" He says, leaving my side.

"Dude how was I supposed to know you guys would be kissing!"

"Nash, its called knocking!" I yell.

The two of them look at me, as I try to get to my chair. Everyone knows I'm working at walking. I go to stand, and Nate rushes over to me.

"Stop, only help me if I fall," I whisper.

I walk slowly and fall into my chair. Nash walks over to me. I cross my arms and Nate leaves. He bends to my height.

"I'm really sorry about everything, Hayden."

"It's oka-"

"No, it isn't, and you know that."

It was late, and I wanted to sleep. They left and I climb into bed.

--

"Why don't you do anything right!"

I look at my mother as she slaps me hard. I bite my lip as she walks away and Sam laughs at me. I go to my room without a word and slam the door shut.

I find my blade, my escape, my heaven. I slash down my arm. I grab the same towel I always use. I hold it against my arm. The door opens and Sam looks at me.

"Don't tell her, Sam, please," I whisper, "She'll kill me."

He yells for my mother who runs up the stairs. I look at her, and try to run away, but Sam pulls me back by my hair. I drop the towel and the blood drips down my arm. It wasn't deep enough to kill me.

She smacks me hard. She walks to her room and Sam drops me. His dad comes up the stairs and sees my bloody arm. I grab the towel, clean the blood on my arm and go into my room. I lock the door and choke back any noise.

It felt like hours until the bleeding stopped, and I go to my bathroom. I clean the blood and sit on the toilet. Would they even really care? I sob softly, and curl up. The bathroom door opens and Sam's father comes over to me.

"You have to go, Hayden, we had a deal."

"Okay," I whisper.

I follow him to his car.

I sit up and gasp. I was alone, and I didn't want to go back to sleep. I hate my childhood. I sigh and lie back down.

"Hayden, c'mon no one will miss you, just cut down," Sam laughs.

I look at him as he walks to my table at lunch. The table was completely empty.

"I've never done anything to get you to hate me, Sam. If I had a choice, I'd kill myself."

"Just do it, we both know no one will be home after school but you."

"Don't say you'll miss me," I hiss.

The day was done and I got home at my normal time. I go to the shared bathroom and dig through the medicine cabinet. I find aspirin, and just get a handful.

"Hayden?" I hear a maid call.

I slam the door shut and lock it. I swallow the pills and I didn't feel anything. After a couple minutes I collapse on the ground.

~~~

"We're taking Hayden for awhile."

I look at my mother and Nate's father.

"She isn't in a good environment."

"Okay," Nate's dad says.

My mom doesn't look at me as I lay in the hospital bed. Once the social worker leaves, and Mr. Wilkinson does, mom looks down at me.

"I hope we don't see you again. If only Sam didn't find you. He was scared, Hayden. I don't ever want to see you again."

I sit up again and cry. I cover my mouth. The door opens and the light turns on. Sam is the one that comes in.

"Hayden?"

I shake my head, and he comes over.

"Why didn't you let me die that day?" I whisper, "You wanted me dead."

"I didn't. I rushed home because I knew you'd do it. When we finally got the door open I had wished I never said what I did."

I look at him. He sighs and leaves. I feel so stupid.