Distant Luminosity | Hanjoo

Chapter Fourteen

"Byungjoo."

As soon as my name was said, I tensed. I tried acting as if I was asleep, but Hansol shook me. I knew I wouldn't be able to pull the charade long enough, so I sat up and watched as the two males looked at me. Maybe it was just me, but I was getting a really uncomfortable sense to it.

None of us were paying attention to Ms. Shin, and we probably made that clear to everyone. But how could we? Sat beside the boy I liked was the boy I hated with little knowledge of who he even is. Well, actually, I wouldn't say hate. I was almost positive that the feeling was mutual, though.

"I know we, uh, didn't get along the first time I saw you." I remarked without thinking it over.

"Yeah, cause you threw me against the wall and simultaneously accused me of shit I didn't do." It surprised me how fast his face drained and his mouth shut.

Glancing to Hansol, I saw his eyes directing to his lap as he fidgeted with his gloves. It looked as if he was trying to scratch the fabric against the cuts beneath them. That certainly wasn't a good sign to me, so I gently grabbed onto Hansol's hand and pulled it away from his other. Eh, I'm probably the one who made him uneasy.

After figuring that, I quickly raised my arm. "Excuse me, Ms. Shin, can I talk outside with him?" I pointed to the guy with my other hand as he mumbled his name. Jiho. How interesting.

"Sure, just don't get heated with each other."

–

After yanking Jiho by his wrist to outside the building, I pried him away from me and crossed my arms with a minor glare to him. "Go on."

"Look, I know what I did," his voice sounded like he was about to yell, but caught himself, "and I'm sorry. I was ticked off at myself and I took it out on you. I was fully aware that you probably had no fucking clue what I was talking about, neither should you really care, but we all know that I'm an asshole and that's just how it is."

I'll be honest, I had no idea what to reply with. I felt bad for him, but at the same time, I didn't want to let my guard down. Trust isn't just a greeting for me.

He continued his explanation, "I really shouldn't have called Hansol a whore, either." I sighed, seeing tears welling in his eyes. We both sat down over at the stone bench at the side of the building. From there, he looked as if he was about to say something else, but I quickly pushed it away.

"I'll forgive you if you answer me honestly." Jiho nodded and looked at me with a determined expression, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. "What could have possibly pissed you off so bad to the point of picking me out of the crowd?"

"I needed to help a friend out with a bunch of money that I had worked so hard to get, but someone stole it by breaking into my locker. I targeted you mainly because you were the closest to me when it happened, as well as I knew about your affiliation with them."

What kind of ...

"Who is them?"

"Hyosang and, gah." He covered his eyes with the palms of his hands, making me realize that he probably does regret everything he did. I breathed slowly, carefully reaching an arm out to rub his back comfortingly.

"You seem to be legit about this."

"I'm trying to stay as close to the truth as I can get—with my best friend being in the hospital and my parents being dickheads, there's really no room for lies."

Something clicked in my brain after hearing that. His best friend is in the hospital? Is that why he was infuriated with himself? Maybe I shouldn't have asked about it, but I couldn't bite back the curiosity.

"Your best friend is in the hospital?" He simply nodded and rubbed two fingers each on his temples. I've seen that occasionally from my mother; it's a sign of excessive stress in an individual, usually held within their minds until they burst into a destructive sentiment. "I hope he heals up soon, whatever happened to him." Jiho shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.

"He did it to himself, really." I furrowed my eyebrows and leaned closer, intrigued by his subtle statement.

"What do you mean by that?"

"He commits to self-harm, from a simple scratch to slamming his head into the wall, let alone nine attempts to kill himself." I widened my eyes at the number, that's pretty fucking high. "I'm starting to think his internal pain is from the amount of overdoses he's suffered from."

Jiho grabbed a random stick that was by his foot on the pavement. As he was dragging his nail down it, I cleared my throat and tried lightening the mood. "Well, I'm sure the doctors–"

He interrupted me immediately with a rather dangerous grimace. "Don't finish that." I blinked and cocked my head, confused as to why I was suddenly shut out.

"Uh, okay then."

Time flew by, and by that I learned more about the guy and started to hate him less. He mentioned Hojoon, his best friend, living with him since they were in primary school, since his parents threw him out into the streets. He also told me about his parents' views on Hojoon and how they believe he's nothing special, garbage in their eyes. Definitely not something I'd prefer to hear come out of my parents, I know that for sure.

More importantly, he's explained that the reason he's in a hurry to find that stolen money, was to pay for Hojoon's operations to find out what's wrong with him.

"I'll help you find it," I said reassuringly, "besides, what if I told you that I can relate to how you feel?" Jiho's blank expression turned into a surprised one.

"What?"

"I know someone with similar problems as Hojoon, too." I sighed sadly and ran my fingers through my hair. "You want to help them with everything you got. You want to be the everything to them, the light in their life. You want to be the one they come to for that special safe feeling."

Jiho lightly hit my arm. "Who knew the popular kid could be in the same spot as the complete opposite? An outcast?"

"Yeah, I'm surprised too." —Not really. What does being part of them have anything to do with how I feel on a personal level?

–

thanks everyone for 1k reads!! i'd hug you all if i could

here's a star to honour your awesomeness instead ヾ(*▼ ▼)ﾉ⌒☆

and sorry if this isn't good or typos are there, i'm dealing with some stuff right now so my writing may be different or something