Distant Luminosity | Hanjoo

Chapter Nine

The run home seemed to fly by quickly, as I was inside my room and curled into a ball under the blankets before I knew it. I'll admit that I was crying and scratching at my palms a few times. Maybe I'm just over-reactive, like they always say, or that it's all in my head. Those thoughts only threw me deeper into a spiral of 'what ifs' and 'you ares'.

Although, pondering it now when it's five in the evening and not moving once from my spot ...

Maybe Byungjoo was only upset by the fact I dodged his invitation to his house. It wasn't that I didn't want to go or that I disliked him, I'm just scared to visit someone else's house. I don't want to walk into the wrong place at the wrong time again.

Of course, Byungjoo's a good guy and all, I'd love to be with him more, but what if something bad happens? What if his parents disapprove of me? What if they think I'm a bad influence?

The buzzing of my phone distracted me from thinking further. I untangled myself from the blankets and reached for the device before answering it nervously. "Hello?"

"Hansol, good to see you've picked up!" I sighed in relief, recognizing the voice.

"Hey, Mr. Kim–"

He quickly cut into my sentence, "Ah, ah! We've been through this; you're not in school, you don't have to call me that if you don't want to."

"Right, sorry." I looked down at my lap in shame as he chuckled.

"It's fine," a deep sigh winded on the other line, "You know, Byungjoo's worried about you."

What? Why?

He must've known I'd be surprised since he continued without a pause. "He tried to get you back but you were pretty much gone before either of us knew." I couldn't help the guilt forming after knowing Byungjoo tried to chase after me.

"You didn't hurt yourself, right?" He asked over the receiver.

I shook my head, quickly answering back, "No, no, I'm okay."

Mild lie.

"Good," Taeyang muttered and cleared his throat before speaking up, "I'd suggest giving Byungjoo a call or something, let him know you're fine."

I glanced to the sticky-note on my desk, the numbers scribbled onto it. I hadn't called Byungjoo once since he offered me his number. I've been scared to what he might think of me if I say the wrong thing by accident. It seems much easier to just talk with him in school or at the library. Taeyang noted over the anxiety slowly building up inside, "If you don't want to, I can do it. I'd just hate for him to be worried for the majority of the night."

I thought on it for a minute; if Taeyang called Byungjoo, he could take that as a sign of 'I don't want to talk to you.' If I called him, at least it'd prove I'm not seriously injured and that Taeyang wouldn't be lying. Then again, Byungjoo might lose himself by the fact I actually had a phone and didn't call or text him until now.

Would that be wrong of me?

"Hansol?" The voice called and I snapped back into reality.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do it." I raised my left hand slowly and traced the lines over my cheek.

"Eccellente."

[ a/n: when i made taeyang say that i thought of the BRNRNR PRSTR so i just had to keep it ]

–

The ringing noise stopped, out came the familiar softness of Byungjoo's voice, "Hello?"

"Hey, um," I would have said more if he hadn't had interrupted me.

"What the hell was that earlier?!" I flinched at the sudden change, anxiously fiddling with the string to my mask that stayed around my neck.

"I upset you," I murmured, "I didn't want to cause more trouble."

He sighed, "I was only upset because you never answered my question."

"I know."

Silence fell through the call until Byungjoo asked, "How come you haven't called until now?" I breathed in shakily before responding as well as I could have.

"I ... I was scared to."

"Scared to? Why?"

I shook my head, thinking twice about the decision to call him myself. He probably knew he wasn't going to get an answer since he continued anyway, "You know that there's no reason to be scared of me. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

I curled into a tight ball under the blankets again, holding the phone to my ear still as I whispered.

"It's easy to break a promise."

"Listen, I don't know who all treated you so badly in the past, or what scared you into building a barrier between yourself and the outside world, but I'm not like them." My eyes blinked wide, did he really just say all of that? "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm not going to lie to you, and I sure as fuck won't leave your side."

"Byungjoo, don't say all of those things," I tightened my grip on the phone, trying not to let tears fall, "You're wasting your time." I couldn't tell if the sigh he made was more angered or more sad.

"I've already shattered into a thousand pieces, I d–"

"That's okay, because I'm here to put you back together."

–

i was going to private message everyone individually but i just didn't know how and shied away.

just know that i've read your comments and i'm really thankful to know there's people here for me. also know that i'm here for you if you need a friend as well! ☆