Anything but Typical

Chapter 25

The funeral was depressing. The entire time there were tears streaming down my face. And it wasn't the silent kind, either. I was choking on sobs. Above myself, I felt bad for Rory. He was the one who picked up the phone when I called their house. I remembered that he asked me if I had found Jess and I told him that she was playing with Amber. He asked me why I hadn't taken better care of her.

I'm still asking myself that now. I asked myself that at the factory and I'll be asking myself this until I die because this entire thing is my fault. I know it is. No matter how many times Robin or Scarlet tried to reassure me, I knew that it was my fault. Somehow, it was my fault.

I looked over at Rory. He was sitting in the very front. He looked empty. As if all the color from his face had just been suddenly sucked out of him. To have to experience death at such a young age.. It had to be tough. And then there was Jess's other brother. Hunter was holding up pretty well. I was terrified that he would do something to me when he found out. So far, he hadn't as much as even looked at me.

I was standing in the back. I remember once, Jess jokingly told me that if she were to die, there would be 10 people at the funeral. There were so many people here, that almost all of us were standing in the back. Oh how wrong she was.

That's what this all felt like. A big joke. Some part of me hoped that she would rise out of the coffin and laugh, her eyes sparkling, and say "what, did you really think I was dead?" but I knew better. She wasn't coming back.

I could see her in the open casket from where I was. It looked as if she had fallen asleep right before a fancy occasion. A wedding, maybe? She looked peaceful, though. It was relieving to know that she wasn't suffering anymore. They had closed up the dagger wound so all that was left of it was a faded red/pink line running from her wrist to her elbow.

But god, it still hurt so bad. To know that I would never hug her again, never kiss her again, never hold her hand again, never see her again drove me insane. It was if a huge chunk of me was cut out, and no amount of surgery would ever fix that.

Once, I was strong. I conquered my demons. But that was all because I had jess with me. There was just something about her that made life worth living.

I was not so strong anymore. What's to say I won't go back to my depressed self? What's to say I won't follow Jess to the grave? It obviously wouldn't be a big funeral. The only people that would even bother to show up would be my four friends.

That is, if they even found my body. Suddenly, interrupting me of my thoughts, everyone stood up. It was time to pay our respects to her. Oh god. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle myself once i got up there. I walked to the end of the line. Quickly, I swiped at my eyes. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Eventually, I found myself standing in front of the open coffin. I swallowed nervously and glanced to my left. Her entire family was standing there, giving me extremely dirty looks. I figured I ought to hurry up. I looked at her, trying to burn every inch of her face and body into my mind.

I knew this would be the last time I was seeing it. Absentmindedly, I reached down and ran her hair through my hands. Part of me was hoping that her eyes would pop open and she would swat my hand away. The other part knew better. Without another word, I walked off, my hands buried in my pocket, tears gently streaming down my face.

All my fault. All my fault. The words kept echoing in my mind like a never ending accusation. I kept walking, with no destination in mind. After a bit, I found myself standing outside of her house. I went ahead and went inside, using the key under the potted plant. Typical. I wanted to see her room, her personality one more time. I sat down on her bed, and looked around. I had taken all the pictures of us. They were currently on my wall above my bed, in a collage. There was so much of her in the room. I saw her in the music records sitting in the corner of her room. I saw her in the millions of books sitting on her shelf. And I saw her in the green that was all over the room.