Never Knew I Needed

Chapter 26- We Can't Be Friends

Andréas's POV

Our physics project wounded up being a success. It actually worked and Le'annaMarie and I got an easy 100%. We were both proud at our achievement but after that we went back to the same old- I sit in the back of the class, alone, while she sits with her friends in the front. We haven't spoke in a week. I never apologized for how I was treating her before because she acted like it never happened. That right there tells me that she is a very forgiving person, however, that is something small.

One thing no one could forgive me for- not even I could forgive myself for- is the situation with Maria.

If I hadn't made such a terrible mistake, maybe I wouldn't be so scared to talk to Le'annaMarie about my family...myself...or my past. I could already see the conversation right now.

"Tell me about your family." She would say.

"I'm an only child. My mom and dad aren't together. My dad hates me and my mom doesn't love me-"

"Oh don't say that. Of course your parents love you." I could definitely picture her saying that.

"Not afterwhat I did..." I would say.

"Well what did you do?" She'd ask and I'd hesitate before answering.

"I purposely set my mother's house on fire while she was inside." I would say and she would immediately back away from me because she would now see me as a...

"Monster...you're a murderer..." She'd say in disgust.

I can't ever tell her what I did. She'd never speak to me again. She'd tell everyone how horrible of a person I am. Everyone would know my dark, ugly secret and I would never be trusted. This is exactly why we can't be friends- because I could never tell my friend what I could have done to my own mother.

****

I was walking out the library and on my way to my car so I could go eat lunch at the diner. As I turned the corner, I saw a group of four guys huddled in front of a corner.

"Please, just leave me alone." A girl's voice cried.

I recognized Shawn's voice yelling at her to be quiet and as one of the guys turned to make sure no one was watching, I saw Le'annaMarie looking up at all the guys with fear in her eyes. Immediately, I walked towards all of them, anger rising in me but I still tried to look at calm as I could.

"Are we alright here?" I asked and they all turned to look at me, blocking Le'annaMarie from my view.

"Yeah. Everything is just fine. Why don't you go on and just mind your business?" Shawn said trying to stand taller than me. His head still stopped at my eye level.

"Le'annaMarie, are you okay-"

"She's fine, man-"

"I wasn't f****** talking to you." I looked at Shawn. His friends started ganging up on me but I honestly wasn't scared, I was actually ready to start swinging on them but not with Le'annaMarie in the middle of it.

"Guys, please just stop..." Le'annaMarie held her face in her hands.

"What's your purpose Shawn? What are you gangin' up on her for?" I asked.

"Yo girl needs to learn not to go throwin' drinks on people, it's rude." He answered.

"You're such a child, man. That happend weeks ago and you know you deserved it anyways so why don't you just back the f*** off." I said getting in his face. His buddies stepped up closer but Shawn held up a hand.

"Nah, nah, it's cool y'all..." He looked dead in my eyes, "he's right...let's go." Shawn began to walk away with his friends following behind him.

"Oh and Le'annaMarie...sorry to bother you." He smirked and she looked away from him. They exited the school building and disappeared.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked with all seriousness, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Yes and no, I'm fine...I was just walking to lunch and they all appear out of nowhere. They corner me and start asking me questions...I didn't know what to do, they wouldn't let me go-" She started rambling and I placed both hands on her now and she stops herself.

"It's okay...he obviously is the one to hold a grudge..." Im such a hypocrite, "...just be careful, alright?" I tell her and she looks me dead in the eye.

"Thank you so much, Andréas. I had no idea what they may have done-"

"No. I don't even wanna talk about it anymore." I shook my head at her while looking in her beautiful eyes. She gave a small smile and nodded.

"You hungry? I was gonna get lunch," I said as I let my hands fall off her shoulders.

"Uh...yeah! I was headed to the cafe." She said.

"Well I was headed to the diner. Wanna come with? We got forty minutes..." I said.

"Alright." She smiled.

****

"Thank you and can I get another water, please?" Le'annaMarie asked.

"Sure thing, honey." The waitress said after she gave Le'annaMarie her chicken salad and me, my cheeseburger and fries.

"I really appreciate what you did for me today and for buying lunch. You're so kind." She said with a light-hearted smile before taking a bite out her salad.

"You're welcome...but I haven't apologized for how I treated you last week. I was a jerk to you and I'm sorry." I said straight-forward.

"Oh...it's okay. I understand how it is to be under pressure and trying to impress people because you're afraid of what they may say. I get it. And you're friend shouldn't make fun of you because you're kind. That's one thing I don't understand." She said with a small shrug.

"Yeah..." I said and I started staring at her again. She looked back at me and slightly giggled.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." She shook her head.

"What?" I repeated.

"It's just...you never smile. How do you go all day without smiling?" She said as if this were one thing she couldn't believe.

"I don't got much to smile about." I answered carelessly.

"You're alive, aren't you?" She asked and I didn't answer, "think about it." She said.

"We should probably get going- class starts in ten minutes." I said while taking money out my wallet.

"Right." She took one more bite of her salad.

"So good..." She said with a full mouth as she stood up. We walked out the diner and made our way back to school.

"I hope that what I said didn't make you upset." She said after a few moments of silence.

"It didn't...I just...nevermind-"

"Tell me-"

"Just. Forget it." I said a little harshly.

"Okay then..."

****

After school and work today, I went home, took a shower and got into bed, exhausted. I was thinking about what Le'annaMarie said. It didn't make me mad- it made me think. I guess being alive is a reason to smile. After all that's happened- referring to juvie- I still was able to find a place to sleep, get into school and to find a decent job- those are simple things to be thankful for.

But after all I've done in the past...it's hard to find happiness and forgiveness in myself. Or in other words, it's hard to smile.

So for now, I just express on the outside, how I really feel on the inside.

                 ***************

Hope you liked the chapter! Vote and comment!