imessage | irwin

seventeen

E V I E

I tapped my fingernail on the side of my phone. The noise was just like bullets. Calum just stared at the floor. The hospital smelt. The smell of food and medicine was not the best.

Mum had another seizure. She's always had them. But today she wouldn't wake up. It's like her body just shut down. Shut down. Shut down. Won't wake up.

My head hurts and my eyes sting whenever I blink. The music isn't soothing anymore. Each nurse just walks straight past us. None seeming to notice any distress. But there is a lot between me and Calum.

Doctors past as do hours. The need to eat is strong but no one acts on it. No one wants to eat. The appetite we once held whenever mum announced that tea was ready was gone. It's like Mum took everything we had.

Our happiness, our hopes and dreams, anything that we held so dear is gone. Dad left. He couldn't handle seeing mum like this. I understand why. It's scary seeing someone you love attached to so many tubes.

It makes you think. Think about what you've said. What you've done. Questions like did I treat them right? Did I love them? Did they love me? When part of you knows that you did. You treated them so good. But the part that doubts takes over.

Swallowing hard and rubbing my eyes, my dry lips part. I begin to breathe through my mouth. Being known for panic attacks, my brother gave me some sort of medicine to help keep my calm. But he still jerks his head my way to watch my next actions.

His once brown eyes are so red and his lips are so pale. His black hair sticks up and his once clean clothes are sticking to his body. It's like a poem. I use to write poems when mum and dad began arguing.

I turned away from Calum. I just couldn't look at him. He looked so broken and awful. I decide to leave the hospital. I don't want to be here anymore. I hug Calum although he doesn't hug back and just leave.

I find myself at a bench where I sit for a few minutes before taking out my notebook. The poems help. It gives me something to say to mum when she wakes up.

Dear Mum,

My pen pauses and I find myself getting lost between the lines. Then my pen starts again, but this time it never stops. I glance at my finished product. Tears rolling down my cheek.

Hey mum I guess now your sober
Your heart still bleeds like no other
And your lips are sealed with secrets you never knew you had to keep

Hey dad I guess you left me
When I needed you completely
And your eyes are closed attempting to block out the pain

Why don't you help me
Why don't you save me
Why don't you stay with me stay with me?
Why don't you keep me
Or even treat me
Why don't you stay with me stay with me?

Hey mum don't leave me yet
I need somewhere to rest my head
And you need to tell us your more than ok

Hey dad just come back
Mum wants you here we know that
And you need to tell her were more than ok

Why don't you help me
Why don't you save me
Why don't you stay with me stay with me?
Why don't you keep me
Or even treat me
Why don't you stay with me stay with me?

Hey mum hey dad,
The shouts are worse now your dead
They never seem to leave my head
Couldn't you put down the bottle for the love of a daughter?
Hey mum hey dad,
The trips are lonely now your not around
They never seem to go anyway more
Couldn't you put down the bottle for the love of a daughter?

Why don't you help me
Why don't you save me
Why don't you stay with me stay with me?
Why don't you keep me
Or even treat me
Why don't you stay with me stay with me?

"That's amazing." A familiar voice says.

I turn around to be greeted by Luke's face. He smiles and sits down next me. "Who is it about?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"Don't you know?" I raise an eyebrow. "If you couldn't tell it's about my parents."

"Oh, Calum told me about your mum." Luke admits, biting his lip.

"It's her fault." I whisper. "She didn't stop drinking. Neither did dad."

Luke puts his arms around me in a hug. I accept the hug and wrap my arms around him. "This would be a great song for the band." Luke mumbles. "Just needs a few adjustments."

I nod and but never leave his arms. He smells like vanilla and chocolate. Vanilla and chocolate. Just like Calum.

Luke pulls away and takes my notebook off of me. "We can work on it together." He takes my pencil and scribbles a title.

Broken Home