Let Me Be Your Hero

Chapter Nineteen : Doubts

"What do you mean I should forgive her?!" I stood up so fast I almost made the whole tent tumble.

"She's your sister, as much as you may not like the fact." He grabbed my hand, and tugged on it as a way of telling me to sit back down. I stood my ground.

"I don't think I can do that Jon, she made me feel like a low-life for so long. I told you the whole story, didn't I?" I glared at him, baffled that he would suggest such a thing. I'm going to forgive her eventually, I will. It may take months, years, possibly even decades. Just not right now.

He sighed and squeezed my hand, then said, "Mels, what I've been taught over the years is that life is too precious to waste it holding grudges. It's not going to be easy, you're going to see her in a different light than you saw her before she took advantage of your trust, but keep in mind her reasons. I'm not defending her, but you have to remember that you're not the only one hurting." 

"Jon, I-I don't know if I can." I honestly admitted. I understand her reasons, but what keeps me on edge is that she chose now of all times to tell me the truth when she's had so many opportunities before. Something's not right.

"Mel, if you want peace then let it go."

"This is different, Jon! You don't understand." I shook my head.

"I beg to differ." He let go of my hand to give me a hard look. "You are being a hypocrite, Mels. I forgave you clearly after you confessed to killing my brother accidentally. You didn't intend to do it, nor did you wish for what happened to happen. And I forgave you, Mels, I forgave you. Do you know why?" He asked clutching my hand again and holding it to his chest.

"Because I love you, that's why. You are way too important to me for me to linger on something that happened in the past. I love you too much to let you go and be overcome with bitterness. I didn't want to have to spend years hating you, when I could have spent them loving you. I didn't want to wake up one morning and regret my decision. Because I knew that I would forgive you. Maybe it will take a long time before I fully do you, or a shorter time. But, every second of every day I want to spend knowing that I haven't lost you." He sighed before continuing.

"I wanted to hate you, I did. You took away the one person who I looked up to, but did that cause me to snap at you? No, I didn't. I thought ahead, I imagined what good it could've done to loathe you as I pleased, and I saw no great outcome. In the end it was to either choose a future happiness with you, or an obscured future life of loneliness. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be alone and bitter in my elder years. That's just not the kind of person I am, and I thought you weren't either. Now do you still think I don't understand?"

I couldn't respond to that. I was completely and utterly speechless. The only thing running through my head was that I had been such a hypocrite. Jon showed me patience; he showed me forgiveness when nobody else did. How could I be stupid enough to snap at him like that? I don't deserve him, I really don't. I wonder why on earth he still wants me. 

"Jon, I-I I'm sorry." I apologized, falling onto my knees in front of him. 

"Don't apologize to me, Mels. Sorry isn't what I want to hear right now." He shook his head, keeping his face clear of any sort of emotions.

"God, what should I do?" I looked up at the heavens, hoping for an answer that I knew would never come. I'm so lost right now. If I could go crawl under a rock right now to shrivel up and die, I would.

"You have to figure that out on your own, Melanie." He stood up to leave the tent. I flinched at his use of my full name. Before I could even think of anything to say, he stepped out of the tent.