Let Me Love You ♡ Jastin ♡ {Hiatus}

∞Memories∞

"Let's hang our pictures on the wall
All these precious moments
That we carved in stone
Are only memories after all "

I remember feeling your cold hands against mine as you laced your fingers with mine. It was such a beautiful memory. That's all it would ever be. A memory.

Will I miss you?

Of course

Would I think about you?

No doubt there

But I had to move on with my life. I was leaving my adolescence behind. I realized long ago that I no longer felt like myself. The person who I once was now soon forgotten. I looked at my old photographs and I couldn't help but let out a sob after sob. I hated myself.

I looked at the once smiling me. It was so pure, so genuine. I try to look back at that once faded memory and realized that I had trouble doing so.

Why couldn't I be that person again?

Why can't I forget everything?

Why can't I go back to having no worries, no sorrows, and no questioning thoughts?

This person is gone. He's dead. He's no longer here and he will never return. All now all that's left of it is a hollow shell. An empty vessel. No soul. It's dark trust me I know, but I can't help it.

I've lost my sense of humor. I've lost my sense of hope. I've also lost the ability to form a smile. Now you may see me smiling but I've perfected the ability to fake a perfect happy smile. I show no shame in that. As long as they see and assume I am without problems I know they won't ask any questions and I'm more than okay with that. I've take upon myself to reevaluate my life and resume with old habits that I'm not proud of.

I was dreading this day I knew would come and its finally here and there's nothing I can do about it. The worst part is that he didn't even bother to show up. He left me without a goodbye. I guess I truly didn't matter like I thought I did.

I guess I was wrong. If I would have know that the last time I'd ever see him would be that dreadful day we got caught in the rain I would have said something I would have held him close even for a moment. I know I'm no good at goodbyes and the thought of hearing it would have killed me inside alone, but it would have been way better than nothing.

I can remember the day he initiated the conversation with me. That day he asked me for a hug. It was so comforting and felt different. It was as if he needed it way more than I did. A reassurance maybe? It was special. I could smell the faint smell of cologne still to this day. It was such an alluring smell.

I sunk my face deeper into his chest and I felt his chest rising up and down slowly indicating his soft gentle breathing. I don't know how long we stood there in the middle of the school hallway before he let go. I instantly felt cold immediately regretting letting him go, but I knew we had to resume with what we were supposed to be doing. He smiled at me and those beautiful icy eyes of his glistened as he waved goodbye to me before murmuring a "see you in class" before heading down the stairs.

I was left there breathless. Shock was written all over my face. I was certainly not expecting that to happen. But it did. Did I regret it. Nope. I certainly did miss the feeling though.

Now I sit here alone. Have you ever felt this terrible pain in your chest that you just wanna let go of. You know that you want to cry and let it all out, but you just can't. That's how I'm feeling right now. What should I do?

The worst part was that I didn't get to say goodbye. If I would have known he was going to show up I would have said something. Anything, but I didn't. Now I'm left with an empty heart.