Let Me Love You ♡ Jastin ♡ {Hiatus}

∞Change∞

"Sometimes it all gets a little much, but you gotta realize that soon the fog will clear up"

The Present

Now here I sit three years later. Once a freshman starting out my new life and now here I sit as a senior ready to leave all of this behind and begin my career, my life, and nothing is going to get in the way of that.

Last year was probably one of the worst years of my life.

I don't exactly know what came over me, but I started missing school a bit more. I no longer had the drive, the motivation to keep showing up here. I guess you could say I was definitely not feeing like myself.

It was like I had lost my purpose.

Days seemed to drag on more every time I stepped foot into this place. I honestly didn't know how I was planning on doing well on the college based tests if I didn't motivate myself into understanding the topics they were presenting to us each day. I did my work believe me, but I was just not interested in it.

I would space out in the middle of the class. I would have a total meltdown each day as I arrived to school. I would mentally yell at myself for bothering to show up if I didn't want to be here. I would scold myself for not turning around and walking back home when I had the chance to.

But enough of that.

I was so determined to change this year. To make it different than the last.

It was going great so far. I met some great people towards the end of last year, and they sort of made me forget all about the constant thoughts swirling around in my head, but somehow I knew it wouldn't be for long.

I always tend to look at the negative outcomes instead of looking at the good things that have been happening to me so far.

There's so many times I wish I could think differently because I know that I would never fully enjoy myself if I didn't. So many times I told myself I should be someone completely different. It didn't always help.

I've never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed well that was until I met him of course.

It honestly never bothered me I was way to focused on my schoolwork to care. My main priority at the time was to get my ass out of here as soon as possible.

My friends would always tell me that I was just putting myself down and that any guy would be lucky to have me. Of course I didn't believe them.

There were times when people told me 'that guy keeps staring at you'

I was too oblivious to notice. Not that it mattered. No one could ever like me.

Someone once told me that it was weird to go through my high school years without a crush, without a boyfriend. I didn't find anything wrong with it. I was just never interested.

Well that's what I told myself. I was too focused on my school work to care.

I'll have time for that during my college years. I didn't need to worry about that now. Having a boyfriend wasn't the most important thing in the world. I'm not going to lie though I've watched my friends have their boyfriends and sometimes it did make feel a bit upset, well mainly because it must have been great to have someone care so much about you. Someone other than your family of course.

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This year has really been a bitch. Don't you just love it when they paint it out to be this carefree fun last experience. They say that the best year of high school is senior year.