The Bucket List [#Wattys2018]

Chapter Thirteen: Getting The Swing Of It

"The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams."
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"I wish I got his name Amy!! He was spectacular!" I exclaim, spreading my arms and legs out on my queen sized bed.

"I thought you weren't going to date." Amy say's smugly. I give her a death stare.

I start to think about it. He was nice and sweet, funny, he made me laugh and smile. His smile. His blue ocean eyes.

But...

I think of Paul, the sleepless nights, the nights I spent crying in Amy's arms, in my mother's arms.

"Sweetheart, you'll be okay." Mom was wiping my tears away. "Mom I loved him! I still love him! He broke my heart!" I pull away and bury my face in my hands. "I know your heart is broken, but it will heal, everything will heal. Over time, wounds will be stitched up, and soon, all that's left will be a scar. And one day, you'll love yourself enough that it will heal. Amanda, for me, please love yourself before you love another boy." I think of her advice and hug her closer.

I don't think I could risk getting hurt again.

"Hey Amanda, why didn't you cry when Phillip cheated on you, I mean, I know you only dated for two days, but you seemed to really like him."

Amy is looking over at me, she seemed to take this approach very cautiously.

I don't know how to tell her. But looking over at her, I remember everything we've been through together. We've been best friends since diapers. I should be able to tell her everything.

"Remember Paul?" I say quietly, my voice breaking a little when I say his name.

Amy's eyes widen, and before she jumps up to hug me, the tears start to fall.

"Amanda!! You're still hung up on that guy after twenty freaking dang years!!??" I nod my head, my voice caught in my throat.

I haven't cried over Paul in years.

"Amanda, I promise you, I'll always love you and you'll never lose me." He said, taking my hand in his, his ice blue eyes never leaving my brown eyes.

He broke both those promises.

I finally found my voice so I could talk to Amy about it.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I still like him! My gosh I freaking hate myself!" I fling myself back onto the bed.

Amy comes over and grabs my hand. "Amanda, everything will be okay...I'm sorry, I really don't know what to say. I thought that when you started dating Phillip that you were over him."

I shake my head no.

Amy sighs, and pulls me into a hug, the worst part of this, is that Amy doesn't know what to do.

My Amy, the Amy who always knows what to do, who always has a solution to every one of my problems,

Doesn't know what to do this time.

"Amanda, I'm so sorry, I wish there was something I could do. How about we eat some Ice cream and watch The Notebook." I shake my head no.