This Is Me

four

"I can't believe he betrayed me like this!"
"Mother what happened?"
"Your father is a cheater! "She screamed at me while my grandfather told her to stop. "No, she's seven years old. She has to know that her father is a worthless cheater!"
"Mom..."
"Eleonor your father doesn't love us anymore. He left us to live with the bitch I once called best friend"

"I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wonder around where you can't see
inside my shell, I Wait and Bleed"

It's time to wake up... Nah, I just need 5 more minutes.

"I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside
If the pain goes on"

God help me, I'm still figuring out why the hell I chose to set Slipknot as my alarm.

Oh, I remember now.

Because I sleep like the dead.

However, I still have one more song to listen before I'm late to school...

"I did my time, and I went out, so effusive
Fade, it doesn't cut, the soul is not so vibrant
the reckoning, the sickening
Packaging subversion, pseudo-sacrosanct perversion"

You know what truly hurts my soul? Saying goodbye to my bed.

It's so beautiful...

So comfortable...

Knows how to listen like nobody else...

Who needs a tall, built, tanned, blue-eyed, tattooed guy when you have a bed? Yeah I know, everyone should have a guy like that... in a bed.

Joking, there's nothing better than a bed.

But now I really have to get up if I don't want to see my mother.

Yes, I and my mom don't have the best relationship since my parents' divorce. Before all this happened we were like best friends, after they signed the papers everything went downhill and sometimes I'm just so pissed at her that I can't even look at her face. I love my mom deeply but I can't help having these feelings.

I take a quick shower, get ready and hurry to school.

As I get there, I notice my group of friends outside the school gates.

"Hey cuties" I sounded so lame right now.

"Yo, yo, yo Eleonor, ma gurl!" Frank yells. It seems like I wasn't the only one that was out of her mind today.

"Frank, did you watch 8 Mile again? How many times do I have to tell you that Stan isn't about you and that you won't be the next big white rapper?" I say to him.

Since fifth grade that Frank has this ridiculous idea that he wants to be Eminem. He is his idol and sometimes Frank forgets that he doesn't know how to rap and that he definitely won't be the next Rap God.

"See Frank, Eleonor said the same I did! Good morning whore." George says. As you can see I'm not the only bitch in the group.

"You'll apologise later when I buy my private island and wipe my ass with dollar bills." He answers pouting.

Everyone has dreams...

As we were talking I notice that I laugh so much with these guys, they truly are my family.

Since I was little, I only felt loved sometimes. I always felt like I was a burden, I had the feeling I was unwanted. I mean, my mother blamed me for things that I shouldn't be blamed for and now I can look back and consider that as bad parenting.