This Is Me

twelve

''Mum's phone has been ringing for the past two hours and she still hasn't pick it up. Every time mum looks at her phone and see's the caller ID it's like a ghost just passed by us because of her face expression.

I think its Ralph.
Finally we arrive at grandparents' house!
When mum said we would be back I thought that we were leaving Ralph's house and coming right away to here however we stayed at her shop until it closed and it was finally time to go home.
We ring the bell and when grandma sees me, she gives me one of those hugs that are impossible to forget or to even dislike, the love this woman had towards me was overwhelming. Everyone says that they would take a bullet for me but grandma is the one I'm really sure would do that. I feel her love in a way no one ever showed me and I loved her with all my heart.
"Why are your here?" Grandpa asked and then mum proceeded on telling the whole story.
How Ralph was out of control.
How he talked rudely to me.
How he threatened mum.
Everything, and grandpa's eyes were raging fire. He couldn't believe someone dared to do that to one of his girls.
And mum's phone rang again but this time mum picked it up.
"Yes?"
"Where are you?" Ralph says angry. He was talking really loud and everyone in the room was able to hear him. "I've been waiting for you. It's been two hours!"
"I'm not going back?"
"What?"
"You heard me Ralph. I'm not going back." Mum said calmly but Ralph was far from calm.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You better get that ass over here right now or God forgive me I don't know what I'll do to you!" Ralph screams. My hands start shaking because of the way he's talking, it's scaring.
"No, I won't go!"
"I swear I'll kill you if you don't come back. You're carrying my child in that filthy womb you bitch so you better come back or I'll hurt you! You and your family."
This was just the beginning of all Ralph drama.

I was tired of watching Deadpool. Don't get me wrong, I really like that movie and it's one of the few that can make me laugh however I think that anyone would feel a little annoyed with a movie after the 5th time watching it and it's not like it had a great plot worth of being repeated so many times.

So like any eighteen year old person in the twenty first century, I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through social media. After a while I decided to ditch it and read "Alexander" on Wattpad.

"Alexander" was a great story that I just found out that existed and I couldn't stop reading it. I went to a point where I'm mopping the floor with my right hand and my phone is on the left so I can read it. It was ridiculous, my mother even asked me if I was finally talking to someone, little did she know I'm a forever alone that is reading a story. Can you blame me though? The plot was extraordinary and it was impossible for me to stop reading it.

"What are you doing, love?" Stephen whispers in my ear.

After he asked me that extremely bothersome question, I got so nervous that I had to get up and head to the bathroom to wash my face and try to calm down. I never thought that a simple question would make my heart race like this, it seemed like it was trying to get away from my ribcage.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw something new. I saw a flustered Eleonor, my eyes were shining with what it seemed to be hope, hope that finally someone noticed me and wants to know the real me.

Moreover, I was afraid. Every time I got a little hopeful, I ended up just more destroyed inside. Now, I'm afraid that the hope this question is building up inside of me gets the worst of me and in the end I'll end up worse than before.

Having feelings was something I always avoided because I believe that even if you have a good feeling, sooner or later it will become something bad and it will destroy you inside. Since I'm not into suffering, I think I'm better without them.