This Is Me

five

"Can I go to dad's house this weekend?"
"No Eleonor."
"But I haven't seen him for 6 months now"
"I don't care. You'll see him when he pays me."
I miss him, I miss my father so much. We were best friends and I know that he loves me but mum says otherwise... Why can't I meet him?

Kali is the Goddess of change and of time, at least that's what she mainly means to me. Kali will always make me remember my past and the changes that time made me go through to become the woman I am today.

I'm not a religious person, never was and never will be. I was born in a catholic family and if they knew my true ideas and beliefs they would be extremely disappointed. It's not like I care though...

My mom and dad were really young when my mom got pregnant with me and that's why they got married. Since they were so young they stayed in my mom's parents' house and that's why I was lived and was raised by grandma. My grandmother is probably the most religious person I'll ever know, however, I can't say the same when it comes to me. There was a time in which I still had my doubts and tried to figure out if it was something I could believe in but as time passed by, after my parents' divorce, I honestly lost the little faith I had and completely forgot about Him.

Nowadays I look at Kali and I don't see her as simply a Hindu Goddess, Kali it's more like a symbol to me, it represents me and my past. I know it probably won't make sense to you but that's the meaning it has to me.

Maybe that is why I reacted to Stephen's tattoo as I did. A tear streamed down my face.

Kali was growing on me and that feeling I had for it was so hard to explain to anyone and suddenly there was a person in front of me with her represented the same way I always viewed her.

"It's beautiful..." I say and with my hand, I trace every line of his tattoo, from her eyes to her lips, to her tongue. The tattoo still wasn't finished and it was already so fascinating.

I look up, to Stephen's eyes and realize he was already staring at me. My cheeks started to burn, I take my hand from him and wipe that single tear that decided to escape.

"I'm... well, I'm sorry." I say and look at the ground.

"Why are you apologizing?" He asks and with his thumb under my chin, Stephen makes me look up again.

"I'm... I have no idea... Sorry for looking like a pussy." I try to look away but once again he moves my face so I look at him.

"Stop, just stop avoiding me Ele. You don't have to apologize if someone has to apologize it's me for laughing when you showed me your work but I swear that's a misunderstanding." Stephen says and for the first time since we met, I feel like the way he's looking at me is so soft and kind of caring...

"Don't worry about it, I'm not sad or anything." I say but there are so many emotions going through me that I just feel like crying. There's just so many memories and feelings bottled up inside of me that right now is getting harder to hold them. One more tear streams down my face.

"Ele..." Stephen leans a little closer and puts his hand on my neck while his thumb is caressing my jawline. "I'm sorry for laughing but don't get me wrong because I really loved your drawing. It is just that the way you picture Kali is really similar to mine and that's so... Weird." He says and smiles.

If you search Kali up you'll see that there are many ways for her to be pictured. The only thing that is the same is always the way that she shows her tongue because everything else has each person's touch to it and now that I look at Stephens's torso I must say that the way we pictured it is almost the same.

I finally met someone that seems to understand me in some way and you have no idea how rewarding that is. I know it's a simple drawing but it's not just that, the vision we have is the same and that means a lot of feelings we have are probably similar too.