This Is Me

nineteen (a naked Stephen)

Part 1

"Stephen you little shit! Did you break my necklace? You know how hard I had to work for this?"

"I'm sorry aunt Jen, I promise it won't happen again. I just thought it was so beautiful I had to touch it." I say sobbing. Aunt was so angry at me but I didn't break her necklace on purpose. While I had it in my hands, I suddenly tripped on a wire and that made me break aunt's necklace but she was so mad...
"I'm not surprised your mother left you. You just bring problems, if it wasn't the fucking court saying you had to stay with me I would put you in a shelter!" She says and grabs a broom. "Now you're going to learn a precious lesson.
"No! Please, aunty! Don't do that, I'll be a good boy!" I say crying. " Please forgive me!"
"Stephen you're not a good boy. If I don't teach you a lesson you'll end up as a drug addict, worthless parasite. Now turn around and take off your shirt."
"Please, I'm begging you. Anything but that!"
"Turn around Stephen, right now! I swear that if I have to force you it will be much worse!" Aunt Jen threatens me and I obey. I turn around and take my shirt off.
"Now you'll take this and think about everything you've done. I'm not happy with this but what as to be done, as to be done." She says and SMACK. I feel the wood touch my skin, it hurts so much that I scream. "Oh, you're screaming little shit? No one's gonna hear you." Aunt continues beating me up with the broom one, two, three, ten more times until it finally breaks. I feel the relieve flowing inside of me.
"Now clean your wounds. And you won't eat today!" she says and closes my bedroom door.

I wake up sweating like a pig. Water was streaming down my forehead and my sheets looked like a pool. That bitch ruined my existence, my childhood was so bad and all because of her.

When I was younger the court had to give my custody to my mother's sister since "mommy" was too busy being a whore.

Yes, my mother was a prostitute. I was the fruit of one of her clients and she always made sure to not love me. Every night she would do the same, she would pump her milk out, save it in a baby bottle and went to "work" so I would only drink it when she came back in the morning and at the time the milk was already spoiled. Needless to say, I was a kid with a really poor health when I was found by the police. Now, obviously I don't remember this but it's all written in my files.

One night my mother had the great idea of bringing one of her clients and fuck him next to my crib. She was under surveillance by the police since she maintained an illegal job, but she didn't know this at the time. They were just trying to catch her in the act. That day the police broke into our house and found her giving a blowjob to her client next to her baby, a dehydrated baby.

Mother was arrested and my custody was given to her sister Jen.

Jen, my worst nightmare... She always hated my mother and to her I was a daily reminder of Elizabeth, my mother.

I was like a punching bag for Jen, she would use every excuse she had to beat me up. My wounds couldn't heal because she didn't allow it. A number of brooms she broke on my back is countless and even today I can almost feel every smack. I became so used to the physical pain and to not be loved that I gave the Hendry couple a hard time at the beginning.

One day I got fed up of the beatings and just ran away from home. I wandered the streets for days until the police found me since I was just a thirteen-year-old boy, they took me to the police station and asked what happened. I never answered to a single question, I couldn't form words because of how hungry and terrified I was. 

They kept trying to obtain some answers from me, they tried to use a psychologist to talk to me. They didn't even know who I was until Mr Jenkins showed up. 

Mr Jenkins was my front door neighbour. He was a policeman and the nicest person I knew. When he saw me the first thing he did was ask for aunt Jen. 

I still couldn't talk.

I believe Mr Jenkins realised how fucked up I was and that it was my aunt's fault because next thing I know, I'm in the courtroom, the judge says I have to go to a shelter and arrests, Jen.

I never believed in God but that day made me implant Him in my heart. It was like a little seed, the seed that made me think that maybe, just maybe, something is finally helping me. 

At the shelter I was the weird kid, everyone was afraid of me and there wasn't a single employee that didn't look at me with pity. I began to hate everyone, to hate myself and to build this feeling of wanting revenge against those two. The whore who brought me to this goddamn world and to the bitch that claimed to be my salvation, the one who would turn me into a real man.

In the end, they just fucked me up real good.

I was fourteen when I first tried weed. I was the cliche of rebel kid, I hung out with the bad crowd, I was every teacher's nightmare and let's not talk about my first time.

I had just turned fourteen when I lost my virginity to one of my friend's mother. Mrs Larson was the authentic MILF,  she was a short woman, with big breasts, flat stomach and a tight ass to die for. The problem was, she was married and Andy's mother and I couldn't do that to him. One day I pass by Andy's house and I'm greeted by his mother, she told me Andy would take only half an hour to arrive so I could wait for him in the living room, I agreed and followed her. The living room was equipped with a yoga class, she had set a DVD with classes and the mattress was on the floor. Mrs Larson asked me if I minded if she continued with her class, I said no and took a seat in one of the couches. She resumed with her class and everything was fine until her back was faced to me and the did the dog position. I could see everything through the yoga pants, her thong, her ass and the outline of her pussy. God, I wanted her, I need to fuck her and that's what I did. In a matter of twenty minutes, she was yelling my name like a priest would call for Gods name and I had lost my virginity.

Yeah, pretty cliche.

After my first time, I decided to use sex like it was my therapy. When I had a woman in bed with me, I would only think of fucking her senseless, make her scream, take revenge on those two who decided to break such a young kid. For almost a year I would fuck every girl that showed a little interest in me, but this became something so normal for me that the effect wasn't the same anymore, I could no longer feel the thrill, the adrenaline. Until I met Dylan.

Dylan was one of my classmates. One day,  as I was getting back from school I saw him in an alley giving a transparent bag full of weed to a guy and in exchange, the last one gave him money. That image stuck with me for a week, I knew about weed and how it could relax us. Basically, I had all the information a young boy has, and that made me go to him and ask for a bag. At the beginning he kept denying, saying he didn't know what I meant when I asked him for the drugs but after a lot of talking he just gave and handed me the bag. 

And it's when Andy comes to picture in a way, I never knew it would be possible.

Since Andy was my best friend I felt the need to share with him what I had just bought, he was thrilled and wanted to give a try with me. After two long hours trying to make an acceptable blunt, I could finally make a masterpiece and lighted it up. We would take turns with the blunt and after five minutes I could already feel its effects. It was a feeling of relaxation like I've never had before, I forgot about those bitches, I forgot about all the girls I had in bed, I forgot about the pity looks I received every day, it was like there was just me and Andy. 

I was the happier I could ever be.

However, like my last addiction, this soon became boring. I could no longer have the same relaxation, I had to find new ways of forgetting.